Fifty Shades of Loss
by PurpleLennon
Summary: Before they were married, Ana got pregnant and miscarried. This story is of her losing control of herself and slipping into a dark place while Christian fights for her and her life. It's an emotional journey of Ana finding herself again before it's too late and she pushes everyone away.
1. Chapter 1

_"Hmm, that's strange." Dr. Greene said while moving the ultrasound wand around on my tummy. The tone in her voice no longer excited. The look in her eyes seem troubled. "Ana, I don't know how to say this, but I'm just not hearing a heartbeat". __**What!**_

_"W-what do you mean? Is your machine broke? Can we try something else?" I barely get the words out as tears start to form in my eyes. "Please don't say what I think you're going to say!" Christian just came around to the idea of being a Father to blip!_

_"Ana I'm so sorry, but you've miscarried"._

That last visit with Dr. Greene has plagued my every waking thought as well as my dreams at night for 3 months. I'm not the same Anastasia Steele I once was. The bright, outgoing girl who loved to be around friends and family is long gone. I've drowned her with endless nights of whiskey drinking. Nobody knows of this personal anguish I'm fighting within myself. All I can do is think about that little blip that was growing in me, depending on me to keep him alive and healthy and what do I do? I kill it. I still go over in my head how it could have happened. I did exactly what Dr. Greene said to do to have a healthy pregnancy, but blip still didn't live!

I've alienated everyone around me. I don't return calls, I refuse to see anybody, and what's worse, I've pushed Christian so far away that I've hurt his pride. He tries so hard to be caring, understanding and thoughtful of my feelings, but I just can't confide in him. Hell, I can't even confide in myself. But no matter how much I push Christian away, he refuses to leave. He keeps fighting for me, for us like he always has. I feel so bad for him. He doesn't deserve to be treated the way I've treated him. My mind always wanders back to the night I told him about losing little Blip.

_"There you are, I've been looking all over Escala for you! What are you doing out here?" Christian said with worry in his voice. He just about reaches his thermonuclear self when he sees me taking a big drink out of a Jack Daniels Whiskey bottle. "What the hell are you doing Ana!" He runs over and tries to grab the bottle from my hand and fight him. "Give me this Ana! You shouldn't be doing this!"_

_"Get off of me Christian! I need it!" I pull the bottle back towards me, but it slips and shatters against the concrete floor of the balcony. "Fuck you Christian!" I run back into the penthouse and into the bathroom where I lock the door behind me. _

_"Anastasia! What the fuck is going on here?" Christian yells from the other side of the door while he's banging on it loudly. "Talk to me please! Don't shut me out!" I hear him jiggle the door knob. I feel bad but I really don't want to talk. I just want to drink until I feel nothing. All I can do is curl up next to the bathtub and cry. I know he must be scared to see me like this. My poor Fifty. I'm just not ready to tell him that our blip is gone._

_I hear a loud bang, then see the bathroom door fly open with Christian standing in the doorway. His gray eyes filled with tears. He sees me in a fetal position on the floor and immediately runs over to me. "Baby please tell me what's wrong? Why am I coming home to my pregnant wife downing a bottle of whiskey and hiding from me like I'm some kind of monster?"_

_"Christian p-p-please l-leave me alone, I can't do this!" I can hardly talk and I can't look him in the eye. I reach down and grab my now empty belly and cry even harder. "He's gone Christian... I killed him"_

_Christian looking more confused than before grabs my chin and raises my face up to look him in the eyes. "What are you saying Ana?" He says with his voice soft and scared like a child. I can't say anything. "Tell me! What are you trying to say to me!" His voice now more concerned but loud._

_"B-blip... he's gone. I miscarried..." I whisper though my tears._

_"Oh baby! Are you sure? Is Dr. Greene sure?" Christian immediately held me in his arms and kissed my forehead. "We'll get through this baby, I promise." We just sat there in the bathroom holding each other until we fell asleep. _

I'm sitting here in the closet of the spare room, the room that was once mine, with the door closed. It's the only place I can be alone in Escala without seeing anybody. I take the bottle of Jack Daniels out of my purse and take a drink. The drink has a slow burn down my throat and into my stomach where I once grew part of mine and Christian's love. Now all I want to do is numb it so I don't feel it anymore. Each drink I take eases me into an alternate world where I don't feel anything, I don't think anything and I can get some peace. It's become an all too familiar pattern lately. Christian hates drunks and he definitely hates when I'm drunk, but it's the only way I know how to survive anymore without driving myself crazy. Once I feel numb enough to leave the closet, I start to head downstairs when I'm suddenly grabbed on the shoulder. I know immediately who it is, as that electic charge sends right through my body. I turn around to meet intense gray eyes blazing into my dull blue eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

"Anastasia, where have you been?" Christian asks while squeezing my shoulder. "Have you been hiding in the closet again?" He tries turning me around but I don't budge. I close my eyes tight so they don't water. "You can't keep doing this Ana. You can't keep shutting me out. I know it's hard, losing blip-"

"You don't know how hard it was Christian! You weren't there when I saw our dead baby on the ultrasound monitor! You can't possibly know how it feels to hurt so bad inside! To know something was growing inside of you, but didn't take care of it enough to keep it alive! You were too fucking busy keeping up appearances, so don't tell me that you know it's hard!" I interrupt Christian, then turn back into the bedroom and lock the door.

I could hear Christian sobbing on the other side of the door. He sat down and was banging his head against the door. "Anastasia I love you! I just want you back. I want us back! Why won't you let me take care of you?" He's sniffling and whispering to himself "God help me to help her" over and over. I don't want him to feel like that, but I just don't know how to open up. I know he means well and only has my best interest at heart, but I need to be alone. I get my trusty bottle out and gulp the rest down. I lay down in the closet and fall asleep.

_"Mommy! You found me!" a little copper haired boy calls out to me from the park. He's running towards me with a big smile on his face. A smile I recognize in an instant. He's got the same mega-watt smile as Christian. Same hair, same nose, same jaw line. Oh my, this must be Blip. "Mommy I've missed you!" he throws his arms around my legs and holds me tight._

_"Blip? You're so beautiful, my sweet boy! You're the spitting image of your Daddy!" I hold him so tight. "I'm so sorry I let you down my handsome baby!" I start crying and the tears fall so hard. I don't want to wake up from this dream. I don't wanna leave my baby boy. _

_He grabs my hand and leads me to the playground. "C'mon Mommy! Let's swing! Push me high up like a bird!" I start pushing him and he's got my giggle. The one his Daddy loves so much. He's so perfect, my little blip. "Higher Mommy, higher!" I push him higher, then as he goes up, and turns into a bluebird and flies away. "I love you Mommy! Bye!" _

_"Wait baby! Don't leave me! I need you!" I scream and fall to the grass._

I open my eyes and sit straight up. My head is spinning and my eyes hurt. I check my phone and see it's 5:45 am. I have to get up for work soon anyway, so I might as well stay awake. I slowly open the door and peek out to see if anyone is watching. I tip-toe down the stairs and notice a light on in Christian's office. He's yelling at someone. I stand outside the door to listen.

"I don't care what time it is, John, I need to talk to you! Please can you come over? I feel like I'm losing everything I care about... I know, but how much longer can I just keep idly standing by, watching her slip even further into this darkness she's in?... Thank you John, I'll be waiting". He slams the phone down and I can hear his foot steps walking towards the door. I run down the hallway, into the library so he doesn't see me. He is really torn up. I didn't know he felt I'm losing control so bad. I didn't know I was such an inconvenience! I know what I need to do.

I hear the shower in our bedroom turn on, and I know Christian's showers take about 12 minutes, so if I'm going to do this, I need to hurry. I run to the closet, grab my suitcase and throw a bunch of stuff in it. I take a picture of Christian and I that we took at the masquerade ball. That was the best time ever! I wrote a letter to him to explain why I'm doing what I'm doing. What else can I do? I'm no good for him anymore. I can't be the same Anastasia Steele that fell into his office that fateful day.

I take a look around, Sawyer and Taylor are not looking, so I make a run for the elevator. I hit the bottom floor and make my way to the bus stop. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I need away from Seattle. I'm going to go where I don't have to worry anyone anymore. I look down the street, there's the Greyhound bus. I take a deep breath, exhale, and step on the bus.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for taking time to read my first ever fanfic! I know the chapters are short now, but I'm still getting my feet wet with this, so bear with me and it'll get better. With this storyline, I wanted to make both Ana and Christian more vulnerable than they've been before. I wanted to show a dark side, an irrational side to Ana when she loses the baby. I hope I don't disappoint you guys! Let me know how I can make any improvements! Thanks again!**

Christian's POV:

I don't know what to do anymore. Looking around in this shower just brings back so many memories of us in happier times. We used to make love in this very shower everyday. I take her body wash off the shelf and smell it. It smells like lavendar and vanilla... like my Ana... my favorite scent. After my visit with John this morning, I'm going to make breakfast for Ana, take her on the ferry to Whidbey Island. We always have a nice time there. It's time to get my Anastasian back. I need to show some control and make her see that she's not alone in this. I know she feels like she's alone in this, but she's not. I'm going to show her that life is beautiful and so is she. I can feel it, today will be a day to remember! A day I'm getting my Ana back!

I wrap the towel around my waist and walk into our bedroom and it feels like she was here. I go to the closet and pick out my gray flannel pants that Ana loves, a white button-up shirt and my gray tie. Why do I keep feeling she was here? She must have changed her clothes while I was showering. I go sit on the bed to put my shoes and notice something missing. The picture of us from her side of the bed. There's a note. I close my eyes, fearing the worse.

_**My dearest Christian,**_

_**I'm sorry that things have been gone so awry lately. I'm sorry that I've not been the same Anastasia that you fell in love with. I can never be her. After losing blip, I can never be anything to anyone. I dont deserve your love, or anyone's for that fact. So I hope you understand that I want you to start life anew without me. You deserve the best as you always have, even before me. **_

_**Don't try to look for me, as I'll be taking care of myself. If you love me, if you really do, please leave me alone. I'll always love you, and we'll always have great memories, but I can't drag you down anymore. I'm letting you go.**_

_**With my deepest love, **_

_**Anastasia**_

NO! This can't be happening! I throw the letter down and run all over Escala looking for her. I go to each room, but find nothing. I open the closet to the spare room and find nothing but empty bottles of Jack Daniels. There must be 20 bottles in here! I didn't realize how much her drinking got out of hand! I run back downstairs to find Taylor standing there watching me. "Taylor! She's gone! Why weren't you and Sawyer watching her!" I frantically yell. "How the hell did she get out without anyone seeing!?"

"I'm sorry sir, she must have ran while we were having our morning rundown" Taylor said in a remorseful voice.

"We have to find her! Call everyone we know and tell them to find her! She's not in her right mind and needs to come back home so I can help her! Please hurry!" I'm crying and yelling at the same time. Fuck! What has she done! Where the fuck is she! Oh Ana, please be okay!

I get into my R8 and drive everywhere she might have gone. Kate's apartment is empty as she and Elliot have gone to Miami for the weekend, Ray hasn't heard from her, neither has Carla. I've checked SIP, the library and her favorite coffee shop, Cherry Street Coffee House, where she goes every morning. No one has seen or heard from her. She couldn't have gotten far! The paparazzi are having a field day following me but I don't give a shit! I have to find my Ana!

I never figured Ana to do this. She was always the strong one of the two of us. Blip dying really took everything out of her, out of us. Somewhere underneath all of that whiskey and blackness is still the same girl I fell for. I will love her no matter what she does or who she says she is. She's MY Anastasia and always will be. MINE!

My Blackberry buzzes. Please be Ana! Oh, it's my Mother. "Mom she's gone! She's really gone!" I cry like a child. I pull the car over and put my head on the steering wheel. "What am I going to do Mom? Please tell me what to do!"

"Christian, honey, you've got to calm down. We will find her! We've got people in high places looking for her. We'll get her home and get her the help she needs. She's been through a terrible loss. It's different for Mother's to lose a baby, more hurt than a Father. She's in mourning and has taken to the bottle to solve problems. It's a horrible combination son. We'll find her!" Grace says calmly to me, her lost boy. She always knows what to say to calm me down.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again for all the follows, faves and reviews I have received! It's so awesome to know people are enjoying this story that my crazy mind came up with! I want to assure you that things will start picking up as we are nearing a cat and mouse situation... Thanks again!**

Ana's POV

I'm watching Seattle fade into the horizon as the bus keeps moving. I don't know where I'm going, but I do know the bus is travelling South. I feel tears start to form in my eyes because I know that Christian is probably a maniac right now looking for me. I'm sure he's got everyone on the look out for me. If I know my Fifty, he's hit up all of my friends, family and has probably gone to my regular spots like my café and work. I just hope in time, he'll respect my decision to not look for me and hopefully move on. Maybe he'll find a sub and he can be 100% happy again. I know he gave up a lot to be with me and he's said a million times that he doesn't need all that anymore, but I don't believe it. I know he'll need it sooner or later. So in the long run, I'm helping him.

Watching out the window, I feel lost. I pull out a flask of whiskey from my purse and make sure no one is watching. I quickly take a big drink and close my eyes. Aww the burn again. I then pull out my ipod touch and put in my head phones and get lost in the music. The first song that comes on is "Goodbye to You" by Michelle Branch. Wow. How fitting. I sing to myself the lyrics that seems to match what's going on in this moment.

"_Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew._

_You were the one I loved. The one thing I am trying to hold onto."_

I close my eyes and all I see is the color grey. Grey eyes, grey ties, grey Seattle skies. I take another drink and feel myself falling asleep. Wherever I wake up next, I'll have to come to a decision on what to do next.

_"Mommy! Where are you? I can't find you!" a familiar little voice calls out. I hear him but I can't see him. I'm walking around by the ocean. The sky is black, the sea is black, the wind is cold as the fog sets in._

_"Blip! Mommy hears you, but where are you?" I call out with no response back. "Baby, it's Mommy! Where are you?" I scream again. No response._

_"Ana! Come home!" a hear coming from a light across the beach. It's Christian! He sounds scared. "Anastasia, where are you?"_

_"Mommy! Help!" Blip calls. I turn around and see he's drowning in the ocean! I'm not going to lose him this time!_

_"Baby! I'm coming! Mommy's here!" I yell while jumping into the cold ocean and swimming towards him. I keep swimming and swimming but I never seem to reach him. Finally I notice he's gone. I see his little hand sinking beneath the water. "NO!"_

"Miss! Miss! Are you okay?"

I feel someone's hand on me, shaking me. I sit straight up in my seat and notice a little old lady waking me with concern in her eyes. "Miss, you were having a bad dream. I couldn't let you keep sleeping. It sounded painful. I hope you don't mind."

I give her a small smile. "Thank you Ma'am, it seems I've been having a lot of them lately". I say embarrassed. She reaches over and grabs my hand and gives me a motherly smile. She let's go and looks out her window.

I get up and use the bathroom on the bus. Finally somewhere I can be alone. I take another drink, look at myself in the mirror and cringe. Who is this person looking back at me. There's no life in her eyes, her hair is dull and a permanent frown. I take one more drink of whiskey before heading back to my seat.

The old lady watches me as I sit down and gives me another polite smile. "So where you heading all by yourself, if you don't mind me asking."

"You know, I'm not really sure." I say as I look down at my knotted fingers. "I haven't really thought of it. I just wanted to get away from everything I knew." I don't know why, but I feel nervous all of the sudden. I feel like I'm being watched. Maybe it's just paranoia from always having people watch me in Seattle. I do miss my guys though. Taylor, Ryan and Sawyer. Sawyer was so smart, the bastard. I never was able to outsmart him. I chuckle to myself.

"I hope you find whatever you're looking for out here. It's a big world young lady", she says while getting a book out of her bag. "As for myself, I'm going to Santa Fe to see my ex-husband". She says it with smile.

"Ex-husband? Unfinished business?" I ask curiously.

"I guess you could say that." she giggles. "He and I had a whirlwind romance a long time ago. It was 1958, I was 21, he was 27." Her wrinkled eyes light up with so much joy as she tells me the story about how they met. "He was a big shot, yes he was. All the men idolized him, all the girls wanted to marry him, except me that is. I always thought he was... what's the right word... cocky!" She and I both laughed.

"So how did you end up with him if you weren't into him?" I ask. I'm intrigued by her story already.

"Well I actually applied for a job at his company as a secretary. I had to be interviewed by him, the whole bit. He had a reputation for being a hard ass, especially to women. I decided that I was going to go into that interview and stand my ground with him. He didn't intimidate me, so I kept my head held high and walked, or stumbled, into his office. I made a complete fool of myself!" She snickers as she's recalling the story. My mouth dropped because it's painfully reminiscent of how I met my Fifty. Could I have found a kindred spirit in this old lady?

"I was quite embarrassed. He helped me up like a gentleman and from that day on, we were together. I was in denial for about a week, but after he was so persistent in us being together, I gave in. It was the best decision I ever made! I was Mrs. Charles James about 4 months after that clumsy day in his office." She said staring down at her hands and smiling.

"So what happened between you two, if you don't mind the question" I ask because I need to know how it turned out for them and why she's visiting him.

"Well, honestly, stupidity on my part happened. I could never get used to being a rich man's wife and when I lost our son, it killed me and I left", she says with her eyes hurtful.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry", Shit, I feel so bad for asking now, though in some strange way, I feel this is too much of a parallel to my own life.

"It's okay dear", it's nice to get this off of my chest after so many years. "I moved away, got divorced and tried to find my place in this world. I don't regret what I did because things have a strange way of working themselves out." She smiles once again and looks out her window.

I feel myself start to get sick and notice my hands are shaking. I excuse myself to the bathroom and dig for my bottle and take a drink. So she doesn't regret leaving her husband! Maybe I wont feel regret about leaving Christian soon! I take another drink and exit the bathroom. Everyone is off the bus except one man who's sleeping. I exit the bus and notice we're in a town called Monterey California. Wow, I'm in California? I take a look around. This looks like a nice place to stay! I wanna find the old lady and talk some more but I can't find her.

I walk across the street to a tourist store. I spot the lady purchasing a postcard. I think I'll do the same. "Hey, there you are! I was wondering where you were" I say to her while picking out a card. "I never even caught your name" I smile.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me to never introduce myself dear. My name is Hazel, and you are?" She says while squeezing my hand.

"I'm Anastasia, well Ana. I go by Ana" I say like I have to explain myself.

"Anastasia is a pretty name, for a pretty young girl" Hazel says with a sweet smile. "Like the Russian Princess".

"That's who my Mom named me after!" I say excitedly. "Look, I'm going to change my clothes, then we can talk some more!"

I walk into the restroom at the McDonald's across the street and change my clothes and brush my hair. I look semi-presentable now. I leave the restroom and walk towards the bus to see it's pulling away. I see Hazel by the window waving to me. I wave back, knowing I'll never get to hear the rest of what happened between her and Charles.

I pull the picture of Christian and I out from my bag and sit on the bench outside the restaurant. I run my finger down his face and trace his lips. "I love you" I say while looking into his beautiful grey eyes. I hear a child laugh that sounds like Blip, but when I look, I see a little boy on the shoulders of his Dad. That could have been Christian. Then I see a girl about my age run up to them. The man takes her hand and they keep walking. What a happy family... a family I'll never have. That little boy has a Mom and Dad who love him so much. So do I... I guess I should call them once to let them know I'm okay, then that's it. Throw the phone away. Hazel said to make sure I cut my ties.

I get nervous as I hear the phone ringing. I hear a scared voice on the other end answer.

"Hello... Mom... it's Ana..."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay! Got caught up at work and the past holiday, that I didn't get around to posting. This chapter is more of a filler. The upcoming chapter, things will start to pick up, I promise! Thanks for sticking around and hopefully you'll like what's to come!**

"Ana! Where the hell are you?" I hear the worry in my Mom's voice.

"Mom, how are you? I-I just wanted to tell you I'm fine and that I love you..." my voice is shaking and trembling.

"Ana honey, where are you?"

"I can't tell you that right now Mom. Can you please call Ray and tell him I'm fine. I can't bear to hear his voice..."

"You need to call your Fiance! Christian is so sick with worry! I've never heard him like this, he-"

I cut my Mom off. "I love you Mom, bye". I end the call quickly and take off walking. I notice the sound of the ocean, so I keep walking a few blocks down until I reach a beautiful beach. I walk along the shore, remembering times Christian and I walked down by the Puget Sound on our peaceful days. I wish I could go back to those days. My thoughts are interrupted by the buzz of my Blackberry. Shit! It's Christian. Panic sets in. I've been avoiding his calls, texts and emails since I left Escala.

Nervously, I press the answer button on my phone and sit in silence. What do I say? _I love you! I miss you! I'm sorry that I'm ruining your life! _I just sit there, knowing on the other side of the phone sits my Fifty. I can hear him breathing, worrying and wondering what happened.

"Anastasia? I know you're there!" Christian says in a quiet panic. "Please baby, why are you doing this? I'm lost without you. I don't know what to do. I know things are hard right now, but I need you to come home!

I still sit in silence, tears forming in my eyes. "Christian, I'll always love you" I manage to say between tears. "I can't do this anymore".

"Then don't. Just tell me where you are and I'll come get you!"

"No, I mean us, you and me! I can't do it anymore. I love you, just remember that Christian. And you're not Fifty Shades of fucked up. It was me who was all along… Goodbye Christian". And with that, I throw the phone into the ocean and watch it sink along with my heart, soul and life.

I sit on the sand and watch the sun go down. I remember the day we had our first picnic on the beach. Christian was trying to be all hearts and flowers that day. It was so nice to see him acting his age. So young and carefree. God that smile could melt anyone's heart.

"_Where are we going Christian?" I ask while sitting blindfolded in his Audi while he drives._

"_Now if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, would it Miss Steele?" Christian says while chuckling. "Besides, I love when you're blindfolded!"_

"_Oh I think we know this, Sir!" I have to giggle at him being so fun._

"_That's the best sound in the world, your giggle."_

"_Oh Mr. Grey, what am I gonna do with you." I reply, smelling a familiar aroma in the air. I know we're at the beach because the air smells of salt and water. I say nothing as not to ruin his surprise for me._

"_Okay, we're here! Now keep your blindfold on until I say so!" He says all CEO like._

_He comes around to my side of the car and lets me out. Grabbing my hand, we start walking until I feel the sand in my sandal. I hear him whisper to someone, but it's so quiet that I can't make out what he's saying. A moment later I hear footsteps walking away, then the car engine start and tires pulling away. _

"_Christian?" I ask, it seems to myself. I know he wouldn't just leave me here! "Hey! Where are you?"_

"_Okay take your blindfold off!" I hear his voice from far away._

_I take my blindfold off and my mouth drops at the sight I see. In front of my very eyes I see a path of candles that lead down to a white blanket, which is also surrounded by tiki torches, pillows, fruit, wine and the most beautiful sight ever… My Christian, standing there with the most breath taking smile on his face._

"_Surprise!" He says with such joy and happiness. _

"_Oh my God, Christian! This is so beautiful!" I say with tears in my eyes._

_He comes stalking up towards me with passion in his grey eyes. He looks every bit the Adonis that I love. Pulling my chin up so I look into his eyes, he places the softest, most sweetest kiss on my lips. Then he reaches down and grabs my hand and leads me down the candle-lit path._

"_Please, Miss Steele, have a seat. This is all for you my love," he says low as he pours a glass of Cristal into two crystal Champaign flutes. He never takes his eyes off of me while doing so. The ambiance surrounding us is something made in fairytales. The light from the candles are glowing in his eyes. I can see how much this gorgeous man wants me, desires me and worships me. I bite my lip in the thought of letting him take me right here and now, underneath the beautiful night's sky._

"_Ana, you'll never know just how much biting your lip really affects me in all parts of my body" he says while taking a sip of champagne. "You're so beautiful, Miss Steele. How ever did I get so lucky?"_

"_I think you have that wrong, Mr. Grey, it is me who's the lucky one" I say shyly. _

_He takes takes my face in his hand and kisses me again, this time more passionate and wanton. As we lay on the soft, fleece blanket, our arms are exploring each other's bodies from head to toe. Each touch more heated than the next. Christian bites my lip as I pull his unruly hair back. He lets out a growl in pleasure. He kisses and nibbles down my chin and neck, devouring every inch of my skin. Softly and delicately, his mouth travels south to my breasts. He cups the right one with his strong hand and licks and sucks with his warm tongue on the left one. I feel an electric current pulse through me. How does he do this to me every damn time! My fingernails scratch down his back and dig into his skin. _

"_Ah Anastasia! You're insatiable baby!" Christian says breathy. _

My mind is brought back to the present after I get knocked over by a dog that ran into me full charge. I pull myself up only to be licked on the face by a hairy, dirty Husky. I push him off and laugh. Where did this dog come from? He sits down next to me and just stares. In the dim light of dusk, I see this dog has one blue eye and one gray eye. God, can't I just escape the color gray?

"Who do you belong to?" I ask the dog who's looking at me with his tongue out. It looks like he's smiling and I can't help but smile. I pet him on the head and notice how skinny he is. "Do you have a home handsome boy?" He lays down next to me. Upon examining him, he's got sand in his fur and it's sort of matted. I think this little guy is a drifter… like me in my new life.

Reaching in my bag, I pull out the other half of my turkey sandwich that I didn't finish earlier. "You want some boy?" I ask the dog who's eyes just got bigger by the second. I break off a piece of the sandwich and he just swallows it without chewing. He soon grabs the whole sandwich out of my hand and licks my hands. "I don't have anymore buddy, you just took the last of my lunch!" Eww, dog slobber! I take out my hand sanitizer and wash my hands. That's better.

I stand up, brushing the sand off from my clothes. And the dog stands up with me. "You can't come with me boy so stay, okay?" He just looks at me like he's sad. He lays down and puts his head between his paws. "Good boy". I walk away from that cute, pouty face. I'm about 30 steps away, when I notice the dog is following far behind me. I stop, he stops. I walk, he walks. Oh honestly, I'm hundreds of miles away and I'm still being followed by gray eyes… in dog form. I giggle to myself. "Okay fine! Come on boy!" and with that, the dog takes off running to me, wagging his tail. I pet him on the head and we take off walking. It's starting to get late and I'm starting to get tired. I think I'll get a hotel room for the night.

I walk around until I find a Holiday Inn. I've stayed at these plenty of times, but not since I've been with Christian. To low class for his taste, but hey, it's got a bed and a bath, I'm down for it! Good thing I brought cash with me so no one can track my credit card usage.

"Hi! How can I help you tonight?" the young brunette girl asks from behind the desk. She's quite pretty. She's Christian's type. The thought crosses my mind again if she'd make a good submissive for him because she's so small and timid looking. Why am I thinking of these things?

"Hi, yes, I'd like a room please with a queen bed please" I say, trying to avoid the security camera pointed at my face. I look outside to see the dog waiting for me. "Are the rooms pet-friendly here?" I ask the girl because I'd like to give the ol' boy out there a comfy, warm place for the night.

"Absolutely, Miss-"

"Smith! Annie Smith" I say quickly. While filling out the paperwork for the room.

"Yes Miss Smith. I just need to see some ID please" she says, not really believing me.

"Uh, do I have to show you?" I ask nervously. I don't want a record of me being here. Now she's looking at me like I'm some criminal. "I mean, I don't mind, of course". I take my driver license out and give it to her. She looks at it funny.

"Umm… It says your name is Anastasia Steele, not Smith". SHIT! I forgot. Now I'm really nervous. I'm starting to feel nauseous. I need a drink and fast! I need to come up with something that will make her stop looking at me so suspiciously.

"Okay look… Jamie", I say looking at her name tag. "I know it looks really suspicious, believe me, I'd be thinking the same thing. The reason I said a different last name is because I'm running from an abusive relationship and I really don't want him to know where I'm at. I just need somewhere safe to stay for the night, then I'll be gone in the morning, I promise."

Jamie looks at me and then her eyes soften. "Okay Annie. I'm sorry, of course you can stay" she says with a smile. "That's gonna be $79.00". I pay her in cash, she hands me a room key and I walk to my room.

"Come on you!" I say to the dog, letting him come in. I lay my bag on the bed and immediately take a drink from my flask. I start to relax and my nausea goes away. Thank god! I hate feeling like that. The dog looks at me like he's thirsty. I feel so bad for him. I wonder how long it's been since he's had a real meal and water. I get a cup of water for him and he goes to town drinking the cold water. Poor guy. I should give him a name. I think my new friend here will be called Shadow. He was my shadow the past couple hours, so it just seems to fit.

I took a long, hot bath and wrapped myself in a towel. I think I'll lay in bed and try to sleep. The fast I sleep, the sooner I don't have to be awake in this hell of a reality that I'm living in. Going through my bag I find a familiar article of clothing… Christian's shirt. I hold it up to me and smell it. It still smells like him… my favorite scent in the world. Tears start forming again as I hold it close to me. I decide this is the only way to be close to him anymore. I slip the shirt on and it feels like home. I take my flask out and drink the rest of my whiskey down fast. Oh that burn does the trick. To stop my mind from wandering, I turn the tv on to E! News. It's talking about the Kardashians as usual. Ugh. Enough of them! Then what I see next makes my heart sink.

"Next, a story out of Seattle Washington has everyone talking and on a hunt for a mission billionaire's fiancé. Business tycoon Christian Grey has pleaded with the public to help find his fiancé, 22 year old Anastasia Steele who ran away from their home 2 days ago, leaving only a note saying good-bye." Guiliana Ranic says with a serious face. "Grey, 28, stated to the media that Steele is going through a rough time dealing with the loss of their baby due to miscarriage 3 months ago. He held a press conference outside Grey Enterprises Holdings to beg anyone with information to call him directly." It then shows Christian on a podium, tears in his eyes, visibly shaken, talking to the press.

"Please, Anastasia, if you see this, I'm begging you to come home. I miss you and need you… You're my lifeline. Whatever is going on with you, I only wish to help you and make you see how beautiful you are again." He starts crying. I've never seen him lose it like this in public. "P-please baby, call me at least!"

Oh shit! This just got real!


	6. Chapter 6

I jump up from the bed, startling Shadow. Shit, shit, shit! Why the fuck did Christian do that! I'm so beyond mad right now! Not only did I tell him NOT to look for me, but he put our private business out there for millions to know about! What the fuck is he playing at? I start pacing around the hotel room. I notice Shadow cowering down by the bed like he's scared.

"I'm sorry sweetie! I'm just nervous and scared and mad" I say to the dog who seems to be mirroring my emotion. I pet him on the head. "I know what we need! I need a drink and you need some food, so you stay here and I'll be right back, okay?" Why am I asking him? Not like he's going to answer back.

Not to risk being noticed, I put on a hoodie to cover my head. I made sure the hood hung low. I took my key to the room, my wallet and pepper spray. Christian always taught me to carry it around just in case someone tried messing with me. I love how he always put my safety first, but I'm so mad at him right now. Whiskey will help me think a little more rational. I walk quickly to the little market across from the hotel, keeping my head down. I get 3 bottles of Jack and a bag of dog food for my new friend Shadow. The guy behind the counter keeps watching me like I'm going to steal something. I'll admit it, I do look a little suspect with my hood on. When I go to pay for my items, he looks at me funny.

"Do you have ID for the liquor?" the man asks while eyeing me like I'm a kid trying to buy alcohol.

"Of course" I reply quietly. This isn't going to be good. He's going to see my name and know me from the news. Although he doesn't look like he follows celebrity gossip or anything of the sort. I reluctantly hand him my ID. He looks at it then back at me, then back at the ID.

"I'll be right back" he says, taking the ID to the back room. Shit! What the hell is he doing? Fuck! He's calling someone to say he found me! Just give my fucking items and let me go! He comes back and hands me my ID back and bags my stuff. "Have a good night" he smiles at me.

"Thanks" I say and leave quickly. Shit! I need to get on the move! I keep sensing Charlie Tango will land at any moment and Christian will kidnap me. My steps are getting fast until I run to the hotel room. I need to get out of here in the morning. I enter the room and Shadow gets up and wags his tail.

"Hey boy! I got you some food!" I say while pouring him a bowl little bone shaped kibble and bits. "Bon apetit! And now it's my turn!" I get my whiskey out and drink it like I've been thirsty for years. I feel myself slipping into darkness of slumber.

Christian POV

I'm sitting in my study, staring at the picture of Ana that I have on my desk. What happened to this beautiful blue eyed wonder? Never in my wildest dreams did I think she would turn into a recluse who felt she needed to flee from all who loved her. She's taking a page out my book to be acting this way.

"Sir we have a lead on Ana!" Taylor comes busting through the door holding his phone.

I jump out of my chair at the sound of the news! "What? Where? Who?" I yell with excitement. Oh please, let this be an honest lead!

"Well someone called and said she was seen getting off the Greyhound bus in Monterey California and was walking around by the ocean. And I think this a solid lead because we just got the ping back from her cell phone and she was, indeed, in Monterey when you last spoke with her. After that, we lost the trace" Taylor said in a rushed voice.

"Well get the jet ready! We're going to Monterey! If she's there, I'm going to find her!" This could be it! I can bring my Ana home!

Taylor runs out and makes a call to get the jet ready. I call my Mom and tell her the news. I ask her to please call Carla and let her know what we know. I feel my heart start to beat again. Please let her be okay.

Taking the elevator down to the parking garage, I can't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. So many emotions are running through me. I feel hurt that she would do this to me, to her family and everyone who loves her. I feel sad that she felt she needed to run away and not work this out. I feel angry that she's disregarded her own safety and that she's not thinking of anyone else but herself. And mostly I'm worried that she really meant what she said in her note, that she doesn't want to be found and she'll turn me away when I find her.

"Sir the jet's ready at Sea-Tac so we should be able to just board it and take off" Taylor said while I get into the Audi. "It's a clear flight all the way to Monterey."

"Thanks Taylor" I say while e-mail Ros to take over the meeting tomorrow since I'll be occupied doing other, more important things. "Let me ask you something. Do you think she'll come home?"

"Honestly Sir, I think if we find her, she'll not come willingly because she's in too much of a dark head space right now. Shes fueled on alcohol which you know causes irrational thinking when it's all that's consumed. So I think she'll come back, but kicking and screaming." Taylor says while keeping his eye on the road.

"I keep asking myself why she's doing this. This is so out of character for her. She was always the one who kept the strength up in our lives, not the one who was dark and weak... that was me! Not my Ana!" I let the frustration take over my voice while looking out the window.

"Look, as a friend of you both, I'm going to give it to you straight, so forgive me if I speak out of line Christian. Ana is always very good at keeping her true feelings inside of herself out of respect for you. She felt the need to be strong for you because she felt like you were like a broken person whom she needed to save and be delicate too. Maybe she was right, but there's only so much a woman can take before she cracks and all it took was the miscarriage for her do exactly that" Taylor looks at me in the rear view mirror. "And you have to remember, she's only 22, still young, so sometimes young people don't think straight."

I'm taking in everything Taylor said. I suppose he's right. I always forget just how young and innocent she is to the world. I just need to get her back so I can take care of her the way she's always taken care of me. I just love her so much. Nothing makes sense without her.

We arrive at the airport and board my jet. This is going to the be the longest plane ride I've been on, because this trip to Monterey is going to make or break us. Even if I have to take her home kicking and screaming like Taylor says, I'll do it! I need to get her off of that alcohol that she's been drowning herself in.

"Sir, we're ready for take off" the captain calls out to me.

Here we go! Ana, I'm coming for you!


	7. Chapter 7

Ana POV

I wake up from my nap with a strange feeling in my stomach. Why do I feel something weird is going to happen? I take a drink of my ever present whiskey to see if that works but not even that is helping. Oh what is this! I don't like this feeling. It's like something telling me to leave this room. I look at the clock and it's only 1:30 am. The TV is still on, I must have fallen asleep from the music playing videos playing on it. I don't want music right now. Looking for the remote, an eerie song comes on and I stop dead in my tracks.

**_"Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you..._**"

My mouth drops as I keep listening to the familiar stalker anthem and that feeling gets stronger in my stomach. He's coming! My stalker is coming! That's why I feel so strange! I can't let him just come down here and think he can make me go back to Escala with him! No! I'll just go back to ruining his life and causing him pain.

I start putting stuff into my bag in a rush and wondering where I'm going to go where he can't find me. "Come on Shadow! Let's go boy!" I say to the dog who's just staring at me like I'm crazy. "Don't look at me like that with your one gray eye! It's too much! Just come on!" Shadow gets up and follows me out of the room. I look down the street to see if any cars are coming and notice the streets are empty, thank God! I start walking fast with Shadow keeping up with me. I need to get on the bus but they won't let Shadow get on with me. I can't just leave him here to starve on the streets either, so I'll just keep walking. It's such a beautiful night and the stars a big with a hit of gray in them. Like gray eyes in the sky watching me, keeping me safe. I'm enjoying this walk, though I can't help but think everyone is watching me, even though they're not. I end up walking so far that I end up in another town called Carmel. It's so pretty from what I can see! I decide I need to rest a little. It's getting cold and a drink will get me warm and shadow needs water.

We find a park bench to rest at and I pour water out of a bottle while Shadow drinks from it. I take my whiskey out and all seems better. I hear footsteps behind me.

"Um, hey, you really shouldn't be drinking that out in public, you'll get in big trouble!" a voice says quietly.

I turn around and see an older gentleman walking slowly at me. "If you want to drink, just go into Green's tavern over there and you can do it safely in there. Just not out here. I'd hate a young girl like you to get in trouble, though it looks like you're in enough trouble." He comes over to the park bench and sits next to me. I just stare at him. Who does he think he is to tell me what to do.

"I know that look on a woman. It's the look of escaping something. Something bad or maybe someone bad?" he asks me while petting Shadow on the head.

"Someone is right... does yourself count?" I ask while looking down at the concrete sidewalk.

"I guess it does, but running from yourself is not really fixing the real issue at hand is it?"

"For me it is. If I run from myself, then it saves everyone around me from having to deal with me" I say back, still looking down.

"Well that's just selfish"

"Selfish? How's that? I just said I'm saving everyone around me! It's hardly selfish!" What nerve does this guy think he has talking to someone he doesn't know that way!

I get up to walk away and he gets up too.

"Listen, I'm sorry Miss. I didn't mean to upset you. I've no right to say that to you" he said with a look of concern in his face. "If you need a safe place to stay for the night, I run a home for runaway girls. My wife wouldn't mind one more person for the night".

For some reason, I trust him and I do need somewhere to hide. "Okay, thank you" I say walking with him. "I'm Annie, by the way" I hold out my hand to shake.

"Nice to meet you Annie, I'm Peter". We shake hands and walk 2 blocks down to his house. It's cute. Two stories, white with blue shutters. There's a cute little garden path that leads to the door. Once inside I see an older lady sitting on the couch reading a book. She looks up at Peter then to me, then down to Shadow. Peter walks over to the lady and gives her a kiss.

"Honey, this is Annie. She and her furry friend there need a bed for the night." he says while hanging his jacket up.

"certainly!" She says with a smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you Annie. My name is Diane", she extends her hand out to me to shake. "Are you hungry? You've got to be hungry." She must notice my gaunt appearance. I actually could use something in my tummy other than alcohol.

"I would love some oatmeal and toast if you have it, thank you", I say with a shy smile.

"Of course honey, come this way" she points towards the kitchen.

Christian POV

"Sir, we're descending into Monterey now and we have a car waiting on the tarmac. Where do you want to go first?" Taylor asks. I think he's just about as anxious as I am.

"I want to start at the bus stop and try to retrace her steps. I think I know her well enough to know where she went and things she did." I say through my nerves. I notice my leg will not stop shaking and my fingers are tapping on the table.

With that, I feel the plane hit the runway. We're here! We're finally here! Ana's out there somewhere and I'll finally get to see her beautiful face again! We'll leave no stone unturned. I've brought my whole team with me. Between all of us, we'll get her!

"Okay guys listen up, here's the game plan" I gather Taylor, Sawyer, Ryan, Reynolds and Welch around. "Taylor and I will start at the bus stop, the rest of you disperse yourself throughout the town. Leave no place untouched. Everyone you see, you show them Ana's picture and ask if they've seen her. Handle it! If you see her, call me immediately! Got it?"

"Yes sir" they all say in unison.

Taylor and I get into one of the cars waiting for us outside the plane and speed away. I feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. _'We're coming baby!' _I think to myself. First up is the bus stop. Maybe she's waiting to get on a bus, escaping for another town. My thoughts are running wild while "I'm On Fire" by Bruce Springsteen plays through the speakers of the radio. I really am on fire for this girl. She makes my blood run fire!

We pull up at the bus station. It's big and empty. I see nobody here, but I get out to get any kind of clues. I go to the ticket agent counter and ring the bell. A young boy comes out. And asks how can he can help me.

"Have you seen this girl? She was just here a couple days ago." I ask with hope. I cringe my eyes when he tells me no, but he wasn't at work that day, his boss was which will be in the office in a few moments. I decide to wait outside and start pacing. We this is just great! Off to a horrible start! _'Come on Grey, it's only the first place you've looked, chill out'_ I say to myself. Running my hands through my hair, I'm fit to be tied with worry.

"Excuse me, sir, but my boss is here now" the boy says through the half opened door. I walk in and see a guy around my age behind the counter. I shake his hand. And show him the picture of Ana in hopes he knows anything.

"I did see her get off the bus. I remember thinking how young she looked to be looking so lost." The man said.

"Oh please, can you tell me if she got on another bus or if she stayed around here somewhere?" I plead with hope in my voice.

"The last I saw of her, she walked back to the McDonald's across the street after seeing an old lady off on the bus that she got off from"

"An old lady?" now I'm confused. Why would she be seeing an old woman off? "Okay thank you so much for your help. If you see her again, please call me right away, I don't care what time it is" I say giving the man my card. I notice his eyes get big when he reads the card. "Thank you again gentleman" I say while leaving the office.

I look across the street at the McDonald's. I smile to myself because I know Ana loves that place. I wouldn't ever eat with her, but she always insisted on eating it when I wasn't around. I run across the street. It's closed, so I won't be able to ask anyone here. I look around the outside seating area and I see something familiar. Under the table I find a red and purple friendship bracelet that she always wore. Kate bought this for her in Barbados! Oh my God, she was here! I hold the bracelet in my hand and run towards Taylor who is driving up towards me.

"She was here! It's her bracelet that Kate gave her!" I say getting into the car. "Come on! Lets keep going! Lets park down by the beach and see if anything is there!"

"Sir, it's dark down there, I'm not sure how much we'll find down there. Mayb-"

I cut him off. He's ruining my moment. "Taylor, I don't give a fuck what time it is! My world was down on that fucking beach, now I'm going down there whether or not you're coming damnit!" I get out of the car and run down to the beach.

The moonlight is helping but not as much as I'd like. I have a flashlight app on my Blackberry, so I'll see if that helps. I turn it on and it does the trick. I see all kinds of footprints of all sizes and shapes. I miss Ana's tiny little feet. I see dog prints too, but only one set. I walk down the beach and but I find nothing that gives away anything. So maybe Taylor was right, I'll come back when it's lighter outside. I'll never admit to Taylor he's right.

"Taylor let's move on" my mood more quiet.

"Well it is late, so maybe she found somewhere to stay for the night?" Taylor asked, trying to come up with somewhere else to look. He's got a good point! "Bad thing is, is that I've checked her credit cards and she hasn't used them since she's left Seattle."

"Well then she wouldn't be at a hotel. They only take cards! She's on the street sleeping somewhere!" the thought brings a tear to my eye.

"Sir, less expensive hotels and motels do accept cash. I do know she carried that $5,000 you gave her for emergency purposes. She's probably using that to get a hotel room".

"Okay so lets drive to every hotel in Monterey and ask!" I say with that hopeful feeling back again.

We must have driven to 10 different hotels. No one has seen her. There's only one left and it's a Holiday Inn. So in we go! I walk in and notice a young girl sitting behind the counter typing on the computer. She looks up and drops her mouth open. _'Yeah yeah sweetie, get the gawking over with'_ She looks like the type of girl I would have as a sub a long time ago before my Anastasia fell into my world and changed me into a sappy Romeo, rescuing his Juliet.

"Hi have you seen this girl?" I ask her in hopes she has anything for me to go from. Her eyes get big and I know she knows something. "Please you have to help me" I plead.

"U-umm. No sir, she's not here". I don't believe her. She knows something, but why isn't she saying. Let me try a more sensitive approach.

"Look... Julie", I say, reading her name tag, "This beautiful girl is my fiance and she is in a lot of trouble right now. She ran from home a couple days ago and away from the people who love her. She's in a really dark place and needs help. She's not thinking straight."

"Okay! Okay, she's here! She checked in a few hours ago with her dog!" Finally the truth comes out. But a dog? What the fuck is a dog doing with her?

"Please what room is she in?" I beg her like a child

"I'm not supposed to tell room numbers, sir, I'm so sorry" Shit! I know she can't tell, it's standard protocol for safety, which I appreciate, but not at the moment! I feel like a jerk doing this but I have to.

"Would you be able to tell me if I have you two-thousand dollars?" I use my money to get her to talk like an asshole. "Or anything you want! Please just let me get to her!"

"Look, I don't want your money. Just please don't tell anyone I let you go to her room" She looked nervous.

"Thank you so much, you don't know what this means!" I yell with happy excitement

"She's in room 103"

I'm coming baby!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay everyone, the chase is starting come to a close as Christian draws in on her... The excitement isn't over yet... I have more plans for these two... it's going to be a long road for them, but come along with them for this ride! Thank you again for sticking with me! I appreciate your feedback and reviews!**

Christians POV

Okay here goes nothing! It's all coming down to the person on the other side of this door. I knock on the door. No answer. She might be asleep. I knock louder. Taylor looks in the window. Oh Ana, come on! I pound on the door so it'll wake her up.

"Ana! Open the door baby! It's me!" I say continuing to knock on the door. "Anastasia come on!"

"If you're looking for the girl with the dog, she's gone" a voice comes from the neighboring room. A lady steps out in her night gown.

"What do you mean she's gone? The girl in the office just told me she got this room a couple hours ago!" Do I have the wrong room? What the fuck is going on here?

"She was here with her dog. They were only here for a few hours. She left once to that liquor store over across the way, then she came back, but maybe an hour later she was gone." She looked concerned.

"Do you know what way she went?" Oh lord, this is turning into a fucking chase! That's okay, she wants to keep running, I'm going to keep searching. I'll never give up!

"Sir, I don't know her situation, but that girl is lost" she looks into my eyes. "I saw her walking around town today and she was obviously out of it, lost in her own thoughts. I know an alcoholic when I see it, believe me, I am one, and that girl is either already there or she's heading there fast". I don't know what to say to her. We stood there in silence while that thought sunk in. "She took off down that way with her dog". She pointed south.

"Thank you Miss…" I say egging for her name.

"Angie, my name is Angie" she says shaking my hand.

"Well thank you Angie, you've helped me more than you know" I let go of her hand, give her a smile and go back to the car.

Taylor heard the whole conversation and it seems this is really getting to him too. We don't saying anything as we both know where we need to start looking next. As we sit there in silence, thoughts are crossing my head. My Anastasia is depending on alcohol to help her escape reality. Just like my birth Mother. Just like I was doing when I was a kid, before Elena got ahold of me. I can't bear to think of my sweet, innocent Ana being in that world. If she is, I will do anything, give anything to heal her and see that she is so much better than that. My thoughts come back to the now when my Blackberry buzzes.

"Grey" I snap

"Sir, she was spotted in a town outside Monterey called Carmel" Sawyer says with a hint of happiness. "She was sitting on a bench with a dog. Someone said she was drinking pretty heavily" There's that word again… drinking.

"Thank you Sawyer, we're heading there now. Do you have a location where they saw her?"

"Yeah I'll text you the directions"

Ana's POV:

"This is really good, thank you!" I smile and put my bowl in the sink.

"You're welcome Annie, did you have enough?" Diane asked while drinking some coffee.

"Oh yeah, more than enough" I chuckle. "Would you mind some company? I'm not really tired enough to go to sleep just yet".

"Of course, sit on down!" Diane says pointing to the chair next to her.

I take a seat and look around the homey kitchen. It's so little and cozy. I could have a kitchen like this. I guess I get lost in thought when Diane grabs my hand.

"Is there anything on your mind that you would like to talk about Annie?" she gives me an assuring smile. My eyes start to get watery. She reminds me a lot of my Mom. Maybe it's because of that, that I find it so easy to open up to her.

"Actually yes, if you don't mind" I smile. "Your husband says you run a home for runaway girls, so I was just wondering, what becomes of them? And how do they end up here?"

"Well they come here because in their mind, they have no place to go and they have no other options. Some run from abusive homes, some run out of desperation to find something new. But they all have one thing in common. They run because they can't deal with their own demons" She takes a drink of her coffee and continues. "You see, these girls are hoping that running away from whatever is going on in their minds, will allow them to start over and spare the lives of everyone who loves them."

Wow. I feel like she's talking about me. This is exactly why I ran. But it's true. I will be saving everyone in the long run, because really I'm no good for anyone anymore. I can only look down in thought.

"Annie, whatever you're running from, you've got to figure out how to get back to a place where you were happiest. These girls, most of them at least, eventually figure out what they need to do. Some go back and make amends with their family, some get a job and gain some new self-esteem, and some just give up on themselves and end up miserable for the rest of their lives." She watches me carefully. "You, my sweet girl know what's best for yourself." She squeezes my hands and excuses herself from the table. "Goodnight Ana. Your bed is right throw that door".

"Goodnight Diane and thanks again" I say going towards the bathroom, I run into Peter. "Excuse me, Peter, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it happens" he chuckles. "I was going to take Shadow here out for a walk if you don't mind, so that way you can shower and get some sleep".

"Sure, that's fine" I saw scratching Shadow behind the ears. "You have fun aye boy! Thanks Peter".

I step into the shower and let the hot water hit me. Oh this feels so good. While standing in the shower, I can't help but think about what Diane was talking about. She told me I know what's best for myself, though, I just can't seem to grasp what it is. Standing in the water for a few minutes, I start to lather myself up. My mind wanders to Christian and I in the shower back at Escala. I always looked forward to shower time because I love the way he pays so much attention to my body. I can feel his touch on me and my eyes close. His kisses, his touching, his soft voice… I miss him and wonder what he's doing and if he's really looking for me or if I'm just going crazy with paranoia. He's probably sitting in his study at home, drinking a glass of scotch or bourbon and keeping his nose piled in his emails. I know he's not sleeping. Any little thing that stresses him, sets him into insomnia. And what's worse, is that I know he can't sleep without me without getting those horrible nightmares. Oh Fifty, I wish things were different.

Christian POV:

We meet Sawyer in Carmel at the spot where Ana was spotted. This looks like a place where she'd love to be. In Ana's better days, I could see her sitting here with a book and some tea. But I know she was sitting here, drowning her sorrows in booze.

"Sir, we're meeting someone in a few minutes right here who has information on Ana" Sawyer says while pacing around the sidewalk. It seems we've all picked up this habit of pacing. Sawyer is really wrecked about this. He and Ana are really close and I trust him with her life. He's a good man, but right now he's fueled by fear, anger and sorrow, just like me.

I sit on the bench where Ana had been sitting just prior to me being here. This really is a nice little town. It's an Ana town. I'll have to look into property here. It's very quiet. I hear the jingle of a collar and turn to find a dog running towards me at full speed. He jumps on me and looks the other way.

"Shadow! Down boy!" an older gentleman calls to the dog. "I'm sorry about that sir."

"It's alright" I pet the dog. This furry, skinny dog keeps acting strange at me. He's got a gray colored eye that matches mine. Interesting.

"Are you Peter?" Sawyer asks the man.

"Yeah are you Luke" Peter questioned while looking at all of us. "You're looking for Annie? Well I can tell you where she's at"


	9. Chapter 9

Christian POV

"Where is she? Please tell me!" I grab the man's arm in desperation.

"She's safe and sound at my house" Peter says looking down at my hand on his arm. " Just know that she is really not in good frame of mind. I'm not sure exactly what happened in her life, but she's really struggling."

I shudder at the thought of my Ana every having to struggle or be in a bad place in life. All I ever wanted was to give her the world and keep her safe. How did I fail her so miserably? I didn't do my job to protect her as I promised her many times. I just need to get her back and make everything up to her before it's too late.

"Peter, please, I'm begging you, can you take me to her? I'm just so lost without her and all I want to do is get her home so she can get healthy back to herself again." My voice is starting to give into the tears falling forming in my eyes.

"Listen, Mr. Grey, I'm not sure she's ready for you to come get her. I'm not sure she even knows who she really is right now. I think time and patience will get her back into the light of living again." He sits down on the park bench and crosses his arms. "She's really dependent on alcohol right now. I could smell it on her when I first found her earlier. Even after she ate the food my wife gave her, you could still smell it" he crinkles his nose.

"I get that she's getting herself in over her head with all the drinking she's doing. I came from a home with an alcoholic, crack addicted Mother, hell, I even started drinking at the age of 10 and was spiraling out of control until I learned control from a family friend. I know what it takes for her to get through this. I'd give the world for her to get better. I will devote my whole life to make sure she has everything she ever needs to be in a better place in life. I love her more than anything in this world and I will die before something bad happens to that girl!" I'm starting to get worked up now. Why won't this guy just take me to her? I need to get her home ASAP!

"I really think she's too emotional for a sudden reunion with you. I'll take you to her, but I want to make sure she's ready and calm. She's getting ready for bed right now, so why don't I just go give her a little talk and see if she's ready. You, Mr. Grey, can wait in my back room and then when she's ready, I'll send her out there to you." He does have a good point. I don't want to startle her or upset her. I'm going to play along with this, but if it takes too long, I'm going to bust in a take her.

"Okay Peter, let's do it" I shake his hand.

Ana POV

After I'm done rinsing off my soap and shampoo, I get out and start to dry my body and hair. I don't want to get sick, so I make sure my hair is pretty dry. _Oh Christian, the things that stick in my mind is you wanting my hair dry all the time. _I laugh to myself. I clear the steam off the window and stare at myself. Oh my God, who the fuck is this girl? What a pathetic excuse for a girl I am. My eyes have dark bags underneath them and my flushed cheeks are pale and sunk in. Oh God, this is not a good look on me!

I put my robe on and head into the bedroom when I hear a knock on the bedroom door. It's Peter standing there with a blanket. "Do you need an extra blanket Annie?" He holds it out to me.

"Thanks, I'd love one!"

"Can I talk to you a bit before you go to bed? Maybe join me for some tea or coffee?" It wouldn't hurt. I'm not exactly tired anyways. I'm so comfortable in this home.

"Sure! How was my Shadow on his walk?" I say bending down to scratch Shadow. He licks my hand and holds his paw up to me.

"He was great! He jumped on a gentleman who was sitting on the park bench that you were on earlier, but other than that, he was fine, isn't that right ol' buddy?" He's giving Shadow a piece of bacon from the fridge. Shadow eats it in one swallow. Silly dog.

He hands me a cup of tea and sits down. "So Annie, what's your story? Where you from and why are you running?" Oh crap, he means business. I bite my lip and think of what to say. I guess the truth wouldn't hurt. Well maybe half-truths...

"Well, I'm from Washington originally. I just graduated from the State University up there with a degree in literature. I had a great job at an independent publisher up there but I quit because I needed a new scene." I stare into my tea and play with the rim of the cup.

"Literature aye? My daughter Clare is in publishing up in Toronto. Yeah, she's a hard ass when it comes to publishing. I should give you her email address. She could give you some pointers and maybe give you some connections." Peter says smiling but something tells me he's going to press me for more information. "So did you have anyone special up there in Washington?"

Yes I did but I'm ruining his life so I ran. "I was engaged to a great man. He was one of those classic gentleman that you would find back in the days of the rat pack..." I think of all of Christian's suits and him listening to Frank Sinatra. "He was a suit and tie kind of guy. He had so many interests, eclectic tastes, and an insatiable palate for wine. He hung the moon in my eyes" I realize I'm going on and on about Christian. I could write a book on the man.

"So what happened? I mean, this is the first time since you've been here that I've seen any kind of light in your eyes. He sounds like a catch, so something must have happened?" He asks while stirring sugar into his tea. "You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable with that" he senses my timidness.

"No it's fine. Honestly, he was never the problem. All he ever did was love me and protect me. And you know, we were fine. We were in the middle of planning our wedding actually." I take a drink of my tea thinking of my girls day out with Kate and Mia, trying on wedding gowns and picking out flowers. "If I'm being completely honest with you, it was a certain event that killed us."

"Did he cheat on you?"

"No, of course not!" My Fifty might have done a lot of things, but cheating was never one of them.

"Did he abuse you?" Define abuse to the common person.

"Nothing like that"

"Then was it a lack of communication?"

Communication was always one of our things. In the beginning of our relationship it was definitely a problem, but we got past that until Blip died.

"Maybe on my part it was." I take another drink and words just start pouring out of my mouth, like I have nothing to hold back. "About 3 months ago I miscarried our child. When the baby died, part of me died... well a lot of me died. I didn't want to deal with anything or anyone. And I just became a burden on everyone around me. My only companion became an empty closet and Jack Daniels." Fuck! Have I got no control over what I'm saying?

"Annie, look, we see a lot of girls come and go here at our home and you're story is very similar to some of them. They seem to be able to get their lives straight. What do you see yourself doing from here?" I'm so glad he didn't delve into my last comment because I'm about to lose it with the water in my eyes.

"I haven't really thought about that. I would still love to be in publishing and see the world."

"What would you do if your fiance were to ever just show up out of the blue to help you?" He asks me carefully. Why is he asking this? I look around the room as paranoia sets in.

"I-I'm not sure. Listen, do you mind if I go to bed? I'm starting to get really tired" I try to make an excuse to stop this conversation and sneak out. I don't have such a great feeling about this place anymore.

"Of course Ana. Please make yourself comfortable" What did he say? I could have sworn he just called me Ana! I need to get out of here. I think he knows too much. Holy shit!

I go into the bedroom and lock the door behind me. I start throwing stuff back into my bags and get ready to leave. Fuck! Where's my whiskey? I need a fucking drink! Shit! How am I going to get out of here with Shadow? I'll pick him up and set him outside the window, then I'll follow. Thank God I'm on the first floor!

Christian POV

What the hell is taking so long? Where is Ana! This guy better keep up his part of the bargain! The light comes on and the door opens! Oh God, is it Ana?

"Mr. Grey, plan A didn't work. I think she's catching onto something because she excused herself from our conversation pretty quickly. She's currently in the spare bedroom and I'm pretty sure she's going to run if you don't hurry!" Peter says with a look of worry in his eyes.

"Okay where's the spare room?" I'm going to put a stop to this running once and for all!

"Go through the door into the hall way. Last door on the left" Peter points out where to find her. "Oh, and Mr. Grey, she's still very much in love with you, but she's in denial. Tread lightly with her!"

I smile at him and go through the door. Okay baby, here I come, for real this time! There's no hiding anymore! Oh Ana, my love, I'm going to give you everything again! I walk through the hallway and reach the last door on the left. I can hear her mumbling to herself and it sounds like the window opening. I try to open the door knob but it's locked. Fuck! That's it! I'll buy Peter a new door if I have to kick it in!

"Anastaia, it's me! Open the door!" knock on the door. I can hear her say 'fuck!' to herself. "Ana! Come on! Open up!" It's awfully quiet now. Fuck! She must have went out the window! I hope Sawyer or Taylor spot her and catch her! I take off running for the front door.

"Sir!" Taylor runs to me out of breath. "We saw Ana crawl out of the window and take off running down the street, so Sawyer took off after her!"

I take off running down the street towards the direction that Taylor pointed. He runs with me. I can see both of them running. Sawyer is gaining speed and getting up with her.

"Stop running Ana! Just fucking stop it!" Sawyer yells out to her. Fuck! He pummels her and they both fall on the grass at the house on the corner. He holds her down. By the time I catch up to her, she's in a hysterical sob, kicking and fighting.

"Sawyer get off of her! I'll take over!" I yell at Sawyer who's holding her arms down. I bend down and pull her to me and she collapses in my arms and cries like I've never seen her cry before. "Shh baby, it's okay! I'm here and I'll never let anything bad happen to you again! I promise!" I rock her back and forth like a baby. It seems like she's so tired of running and just gives in to me because she grabs me tighter.

C-C-Christian!" she tries to say something but her voice is overcome with pain, fear and exhaustion.

"Shh it's okay, this can wait til later. Let's just get you home baby" I continue to hold her tight and run my hands through her hair. "I love you so much Anastasia, I swear I'll make this up to you!"


	10. Chapter 10

Ana POV

I just wake up in a warm, comfortable bed. It's dark except for one dim light coming from underneath the door. I can see the shadow on someone sitting in a chair next to me. I see the outline of unruly hair and the scent that I love so much is filling the air. I know who it is and I know where I'm at. I'm about 30,000 ft in the air in Christian's jet.

"Anastasia" his soft, soothing voice says, "you're finally awake. Oh baby, I've missed you so much". He kisses my hand and puts it on his cheek.

"Christian" is all I can manage to say before the tears start pouring from my eyes. He gets up on the bed with me and holds me like a child. He rocks me back and forth, rubbing my back. "I'm so sorry I ran Christian, but I-I-I felt that-" he cuts me off.

"Baby, no, not now. Look, I don't care why you ran. All I care is that you're with me now and we can start rebuilding everything and gaining each other's trust again." He says while holding both sides of my face and looking into my eyes, gray to blue. I just curl back up into his neck and close my eyes. I feel so scared.

As he's holding me in his strong arms, I feel really sick. I get up and run to the bathroom and throw up. After I'm done, I sit on the floor shaking. I know what's going on and I hate this feeling. My body is becoming really dependent on alcohol I've been consuming. If I can just get some, I'd feel so much better and it'll help me cope with what's happening in my life. I hope he has something I can drink.

"Ana are you okay?" Christian looks so scared standing in the doorway.

"No Christian. I'd really like a drink please" I hope he understands it's alcohol I'm after.

"Yes, of course baby." He walks to the refrigerator and hands me a bottle of water. Shit. I need something stronger.

"Can I please have something else? Maybe some whiskey or something?" I'm starting to shake really bad. My body hurts.

"I can't do that Ana. I think you've been depending on whiskey for too long. No more alcohol for you."

This angers me to no end. He hasn't the right to tell me what I can or cannot have. "Christian, I'm not a child! Now I really need something stronger please, I'm asking nicely!" His eyes just gaze at me. I know this look too much. It's to say not to argue with him. Well damnit, I need a fucking drink! "Don't look at me that way Christian! Give me a fucking drink! I need it!"

"No you don't need it Anastasia! Drink the water!" I know he knows about my excessive drinking and I know he wants to get it under control. But I need to do this myself. I drink the water down fast and get really sleepy.

When I wake up, I notice he's asleep next to me. I wonder how long it's been since he's slept. He looks so peaceful. Now's a good time to get up and find a drink before I start getting sick again. When I open the door, I see Taylor and Sawyer watching a movie on the in cabin television. I'm quiet so they don't hear me creeping around. I slowly open the cabinet door and quickly grab a small bottle of vodka. I hate vodka but this will do. I take it into the bathroom and lock the door. I pour the vodka into my empty water bottle so he won't suspect anything. See! I am out smarting you Fifty! I finish the little dab that's in the bottom of the vodka bottle and wrap it in toilet paper and place it in the trash. I take a sip out of my water bottle and go back to bed.

"Where were you?" Christian says very sleepily.

"I was in the bathroom. I'm not feeling well". I say, putting the covers back over my head. I feel his arm around me and I feel better. I slowly drift off to sleep again.

"Ana wake up" I hear Christian say softly. "Where back in Seattle baby, let's go home".

I open my eyes to see those beautiful gray eyes staring at me. He smiles at me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I hold my arms up like a child, waiting for her Dad to pick her up. I'm just too exhausted to walk and Christian has no problem picking me up. He carries me out to the awaiting Audi and buckles me in. He gets in next to me so I can lay my head on him. He doesn't say anything, as there's nothing that needs to be said at this moment. I'm happy to be home, but I'm scared too. Scared of what life will be like now that I've given up fighting against him.

When we arrive back at Escala, again, he carries me. He takes me to our room and lays me on the bed. He's so loving and gentle. He treats me like a delicate treasure. I smile to myself. Why did I ever run from him. Why couldn't I have just talked to him about my feelings? Afterall, he lost this baby too.

"Baby do you want anything to eat? Gail is happy to make you whatever you want, all you have to do is ask", Christian says quietly while rubbing my forehead. His touch makes me feel better. I admit to myself how much I missed him. "I need to make a few calls baby, so I'll be in my study for just a few minutes. I'll be right back and I'll go to bed with you, okay?" I just nod at him.

I decide to get up and go to the kitchen. I am hungry for something but I just don't know what. I'm greeting by Gail who looks at me with tears in her eyes. Ever since I've met her, she's been like a Mom to me. My Mom lives on the other side of the country, so it's nice to have a Mother figure here where I am too.

"Oh Ana" Gail says walking over to me, crying. "I've missed you so much honey!"

Tears come down from my eyes and I hug her extra tight. "I missed you too Gail! So much! And I'm so sorry for running out on you and everyone else!" We just stand there hugging for a long time. "Gail, I've missed your cooking. Would you mind making me some vegetable soup? My tummy is feeling empty."

"Of course Ana, I'd love to!" She smiles and starts making her magical soup. Looking around the home, I feel a sense of normalcy. If I could only find a way to beat this darkness out of myself, by myself, it would be great and I wouldn't be in everyone's ways.

Christian comes out of his study and walks to the breakfast bar where I'm sitting, eating my soup. He kisses me on the head and sits next to me. He watches me eat. I can see the pain in his eyes and the hurt I've caused him. He's walking on eggshells around me, and it's uncomfortable. I don't want him having to be like that. I just want him to not worry so much about me.

I smile at him and he gives me a smile back. "Do you want some?" I ask, holding the spoon up to his mouth. He opens his mouth and I feed it to him. We both start laughing. It feels good to laugh. But the laughing comes to an abrupt halt when his Blackberry goes off.

"Grey" he snaps. "No, I told you no meetings for me. Have Ros handle them. I've got more important things to handle at home. No, she's safe and she's okay… Yes… Thank you" He end his call and looks back at me apologetically. "I'm sorry baby. Everyone's been calling non-stop seeing if you're okay."

I smile at him and finish my soup. I walk over to him and give him a hug. "Thank you Christian" I look at him and smile again. I walk to our room and get back in bed. I pull the water bottle filled with vodka out of my purse and take a big gulp. I then put a breath mint in my mouth and laid down. Not soon after I lay down, Christian comes in and lays down next to me. He props up on one elbow and stares at me. I can feel his gray eyes burn into me with need. I know he wants me to be the same, passionate Ana I was before my miscarriage. It's going to take some time to warm up to that part of me again.

"I have a question for you Ana" he looks at me with longing.

"What is it?"

"Would it be too much trouble to get a kiss from you? I haven't been able to feel your lips on mine in so long that I feel lost" he says in a soft, sad voice. All I can do is look at him and feel sorry. Sorry that I've been so bad to him. Sorry that I haven't been the best fiancé in the world. Sorry that he has to put up with my bullshit.

I lean over to him and kiss his lips softly. Oh my God, that electricity is still there! I pull away because I'll let myself go farther than I want. I smile at him and notice his beautiful eyes have tears in them.

"Thank you Ana! Thank you so much!" He cries to me. I've never seen Fifty so weak and full of tears before. "I feel like I can breathe again… like I've been holding my breath in all this time and I can finally just breathe!" He puts his arms around me and we both fall asleep in each other's arms.

"_Mommy!" I hear the familiar little voice of Blip calling to me. "I'm over here!"_

_I follow the voice into a gated park area. It's really pretty. The greenest grass, perfectly landscaped bushes, bright, colorful flowers and tall cherry blossom trees. I keep walking down the pathway when I notice Blip appear and take my hand._

"_Come on Mommy, we have to go this way!" He leads me into a private looking, fenced in area. I hear the crying voice of someone I know all too well. Blip puts his finger over his mouth as to tell me to be quiet. God he looks just like Christian._

"_Oh Ana… baby, why did you have to leave me all alone?" It's my Fifty sitting down in front of a grave, weeping and touching the headstone. "I'm so sorry I never protected you the way I was supposed to! I'm so sorry I yelled at you… I'd give anything for you to come back to me!" He cries even harder. He looks so torn._

"_Mommy, Daddy is crying!" Blip looks up to me looking every bit of sad that his Daddy does._

"_Why is he crying?" I feel my heart beating fast. What happened? I died?_

"_Mommy, you'll join me soon in heaven…" Blip said while disappearing into thin air, leaving me with a crying Christian._

"_Blip, baby! Don't leave!" I scream. I run over to Christian, but he doesn't hear me. "Christian! I'm here! Please look at me! Feel me! Christian!"_

_I see Christian get up, wiping tears from his eyes. "I'll always love you… it was always you…"_

"NOOOOO! CHRISTIAN! COME BACK! I'M ALIVE! PLEASE!"

"Ana! Ana! Wake up baby!" I feel someone shaking me. I open my eyes to see beautiful gray staring into my blue. "You had a nightmare. I'm here and I'm never leaving!"

It was all a dream… or was it my future?


	11. Chapter 11

Christian POV

I've never heard her scream so much in a nightmare before. That was really scary. Whatever she was dreaming has her really shaken. I just hold her in my arms until she calms down. I'll hold her til the day I die if I have to. She's so cold right now. Maybe I'll run her a hot bath so she can relax. I lay her back down and go to the bathroom and start the water in the tub. I pour in some of her favorite jasmine bath oil and let it fill.

"Come on baby, I think you should take a bath. It'll make you feel better." I say as I lift her off from the bed. Her empty blue eyes look into mine and I can still see a trace of life in them. She bites her lip and kisses me sweetly on the lips. I put her down next to the tub so she can get in.

"Christian will you join me?" She asks while biting her lip again. I'm so happy that she asked! I've missed bath times with my Ana.

"Of course baby" I say while removing my clothes. I see her watching me and it seems that I still have an effect on her. She removes her clothes and my eyes get a little bigger. She's too skinny. We have to change that. Even so, she's still the most beautiful girl in the world. I sit down and open my legs so she can sit in between them. She slides in and lets out a soft moan and I can visibly see her relaxing before my eyes.

"I've missed this" is all she can say. The silence is actually comforting. I rub her back with her lavender-vanilla body wash, ever so softly. It's nice to feel her skin again. It's so delicate and silky like a baby. She leans back onto my chest and closes her eyes. I wish I could stay in this moment forever with my arms wrapped around her, protecting her from any harm, any hurt, any darkness that goes through her head. This is how my life is meant to be.

I can tell she's lost in thought, but relishing in the comfort of the soothing, warm water. I wonder what things would have been like had she not miscarried. This bath would be a whole lot different. I'd be rubbing her growing tummy and planning what colors to put in a nursery, discussing names, the whole bit. Things I never would have imagined me talking about. I know I was furious at first when she told me, and of course, as always, I overreacted, but I was really loving the idea of a little baby in our lives. No doubt Ana would have been the best Mother in the world. She's so naturally nurturing to everyone around her. That baby would have been the luckiest baby. I really want to try for another one, but I know now is definitely not the right time with Ana being depressed and alcohol dependent and plus, I'd love to get married to this amazing girl first. I still hope with all that happened, she still wants to marry me.

"Anastasia, do you still want to marry me?" I blurt out without thinking about it. I guess the thought scares me that she changed her mind while she was gone. She turns around and looks at me with watery eyes.

"You still want me to marry you?" I think I scared her because she looks sad. I grab her face and look into her broken blue eyes.

"There is nobody in this world that I would rather share my life with than you Anastasia. I would give everything I have to just make you happy!" I stroke her cheek with my knuckles and I see her real smile return. The big Ana Steele smile! "All of this stuff around me, the homes, the cars, the money, it's all just stuff. All of this stuff means nothing if I don't have you to share it with. You make my life better. You make me a better person. Someone I never dreamed I could be. You love me for who I am, not what you can get from me, and that, my darling Ana, is worth a lot more than all of this that surrounds me." Boy that was a lot to say, but I think she gets it. She wraps her little arms around my neck and hugs me so tight.

"Christian, I love you so much and I think we need to talk about everything so we can move forward and so we can start rebuilding" She says to me with a calm voice. Her curious eyes looking into mine.

"I agree. Do you want to talk here in the bathtub or in bed or go for a drive? What do you want to do" I ask, knowing the talk was going to come either way. I don't want to, I'd rather just skip what happened and just start again from now, but I know this will help her get past the demons going on inside of her head.

"Can we go for a drive? I would love to get out in your R8 and just go. You and me" Ana says with a shy smile. I know how much she loves that car.

"Of course. Let's get out of here, get dressed and we'll go" I give her a reassuring smile.

We get out and both walk to the closet to get dressed. There are so many memories in this closet. I remember spending an entire day with Ana in here, making love, laughing, playing, acting like teenagers afraid of being caught by their parents. I know she's thinking the same thing because she lets out a small giggle to herself. Oh how I've missed that sound.

I put on some jeans and a white t-shirt with some converse. Ana looks really nice. She's wearing her pink Juicy track suit with these white platform flip flops with these frilly bows on them. How she walks in those, I'm not sure, but she looks so hot doing it. I'm going to go tell Taylor that we're leaving for awhile, while Ana finishes getting ready.

Ana POV

Christian agreed to go for a drive so we can talk about things. It's been a long time coming and I'm ready to just put everything out there and start to get my life back on track. I still feel like he doesn't really understand what I went through, or what I'm going through right now, but I also feel like he wants to know so he can help me. I know 100% in my heart that he wants to help. I've never seen him so vulnerable before. I've stripped this man down to his core after the stunt I pulled and it's actually kinda nice to see it just because he always has this façade put up that he's so strong, when really he does have a weak side when it comes to me. The old Christian would have spanked the living daylights out of me after he found me in California, but not this Christian. This Christian is more soft and nurturing. I get my purse, stick my "water" bottle in it and head out to where Christian is waiting on me with Taylor. I hope Taylor's not coming with us. I'd rather it just be us.

"Okay baby, let's go. It's only going to be you and I tonight as I've given Taylor and Gail the night off to be a normal couple for once." Christian smiles at me.

"Jason, I never had the chance to tell you that I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself and I apologize." I say while giving Taylor a hug.

"Ana, listen, things happen in life and sometimes things consume you so much that you don't realize what you're doing to yourself and the people around you who love you. And I know I work for Mr. Grey, but you're also a great friend to the staff around here. If anything bad happens to you, you better know that we all want to help. We're all here for you, especially Gail and myself." He smiles at me. He looks at Christian who gives him a nod to reassure him it's okay to speak to me in such a way.

"Thank you Jason, that's really sweet" I smile as Christian puts his arms around me to lead me to the elevator.

When we reach the elevator, I see my car sitting there. I walk over to it and run my hand down the side of it. It's still the cutest damn car. But then I see Black Beauty… Christian's R8 and it's still so sexy. He leads me over to the passenger side and opens the door for me, ever the gentleman he is. Then I watch him as he walks to the driver's side and slides in with ease. I push the button for the top to retract and smile at him. He gives me his mega-watt smile that I love and we're off.

As we're driving around the streets of Seattle, I close my eyes and let the cool night's air hit me. I feel so free. I feel like some of my troubles are drifting away with the wind. I feel at peace for the moment. Peace I thought I'd never feel again. I sing along to the words on the radio.

"_You make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven for so loooong, for so loooong…" _

I look over and actually see my Fifty singing along with it too. He seems so young right now. We're both dancing around in our seats to this awesome Bruno Mars song. We start laughing and treasuring our time together. Then another song comes on and Christian is singing it loud to the top of his lungs.

"_You can't start a fire, can't start a fire without a spark! This gun's for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark!"_

Oh his Bruce Springsteen obsession. He's so fun and carefree right now that it makes me forget our problems for the moment. These are the times that I love and miss. Why can't they always be like this? It's like we're the only two people in the world and the world is ours to do whatever we want in. I'm smiling like a teenager in love. It feels so great!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I've been getting great messages and reviews, so I want to say thank you to everyone who takes time to read my story. A few people have been asking about Shadow, Ana's dog friend from California. Well not to worry, Ana and Shadow will be reunited in due time!**

**Christian POV**:

We've been driving for what seems like forever. Our short drive to talk about things that's been happening has turned into a road trip down the Washington/Oregon coast. We stop to eat at a seaside café, we take a walk on the docks, holding hands and basking in each other's company, but we've still skirted around the big talk. So when we're driving again, I find a beautiful vista point on the side of the highway that overlooks the Pacific Ocean.

"So Miss Steele, I think it's time to really get down to the core of us and the problems we've been having these past few months, don't you think?" I ask while rubbing my thumb across her knuckles. She looks so beautiful right now. No makeup, only the moonlight glowing on her face. Even in the dark I can see the beautiful blue in her eyes.

"I think so" she says while taking a long drink out of her bottle of water. She sure has been drinking a lot of water lately. It's a good thing. I'm proud of her for that. "Christian, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry for acting the way I've been acting lately. I've been so consumed in my own darkness that I've neglected you and your feelings on losing our baby." She says while looking down, playing with her fingers.

"Hey, let's not be sorry. Let's just promise each other that we'll get better with one another. We'll communicate and be honest about how we're feeling." I say while bringing her face up to look at mine. "I love you Anastasia, just as much as I loved you the day I met you, if not more!"

**Ana POV:**

I think this time alone with Christian is the answer to what I've been pondering in my mind. I kept asking myself will it ever be the same with him as it was before the miscarriage. I got my answer. He still loves me, he still wants to work on this and he wants me. My thought breaks when I see Christian start coughing and gagging and hitting his chest.

"Christian! What happened!? Oh my god!" I yell, hitting his back.

"Choking on my gum!" he barely gets out. He grabs my water bottle and starts to take a big drink.

"NO CHRISTIAN DON'T DRINK THAT!" I try taking the bottle but it's too late, he's already begun chugging it down. His face makes a disgusted look as he stops choking.

"What the fuck Anastasia! There's fucking vodka in this bottle you've been carrying around!" He looks so mad and hurt. "All this time I thought it was water, but you've been sneaking fucking alcohol around!" He starts the car and speeds off.

"Christian I can-"

"Don't! I don't want to hear it right now Anastasia!" He keeps his eyes forward. Fifty is back with some fierce anger. I don't dare say anything else.

We sit in silence for what seems like forever. I can't take the silence, so I put the radio on and sing along to the song to cure my boredom and wandering thoughts.

"You are my fire, the one desire; believe when I say that I want it that way."

This song reminds me of us. He is all I want, but he's so damn mercurial. I know I mess things up, but damn, giving me the cold shoulder doesn't solve anything. With a lack of control, I just blurt out what I'm thinking.

"Okay! I get it Christian! I screwed up royally! Yes, I've been sneaking alcohol, but that's only because right now, it's helping me to cope with the voices in my head, with the world caving in on me and it eases the fucking pain! You'll never know what I'm feeling inside!" I start crying as I'm yelling. "Pull over Christian!" I can see what I'm saying is affecting him because his eyes look full of worry. But he keeps driving. "Pull the fucking car over NOW!"

"No Ana! You're not running from me again! You're going to stay here and you're going to face the fucking fact that I love you and I'm not letting you do this alone!" He yells, sharing his attention to the road and me. He pushes the lock button on the door and puts a safety lock on it so I can't get out. He pulls the car over to the side of the road. "Listen to me and listen to me good! You need some fucking control in your life and drowning yourself in alcohol isn't going to get you there! You need discipline and control and that's exactly what I'm going to exercise on you! When we get home, no more alcohol, no more hiding, no more running! I'm going to help you get better. We're not leaving Escala until we've worked your shit out Miss Steele! Am I making myself clear?"

I nod my head, looking into his eyes. Shit! I've never seen him act so domineering over ME! This is Fifty Shades on a whole new level! I'm feeling a bunch of different emotions right now as all I can do is look at him now without saying anything.

"Good. And we're going to start with this shit." He takes my water bottle and dumps the alcohol out of it and tosses it out the window. "No more fucking bullshit alcohol! It stops here. Even I'm going to give up the alcohol. No wine, no bourbon, no tequila, no whiskey, nothing, zip, zilch." He puts the car in drive and we head back to Escala. This time he's on a mission. A mission to get me better. I can tell I'm going to be under lock and key until I obey every word he says.

**Christian POV**

I can't believe she's been sneaking alcohol around in a fucking water bottle. I've let this get too out of control and now I'm going to do what's necessary to get her back to her real self. No more of this shit! If that means I'm going to have to be Dominant Christian, so fucking be it! She's just sitting there staring at me like I just killed somebody. Well get used to it baby, you haven't seen anything yet! You don't know what the hell I'm capable of once I'm really driven.

"When we get back home, Anastasia, I want you to go to bed. You've been up all night and you're going to be going through some uncomfortable stuff once we start tomorrow." I keep my eyes on the road but point my voice straight to her. "Do you understand?"

"Yes of course" is all she will say. She has no idea of what she's in for…


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Seems like a lot of you guys loved seeing Dom Christian show himself! The upcoming couple of chapters are going to be emotional and vulnerable for Ana and Christian. Christian is going to be on Ana like a hawk to make sure she kicks this nasty demon in its booty! As always, I enjoy and appreciate the reviews!

Ana POV:

We arrive at Escala after what seems like an eternity in Christian's car. He hasn't said anything to me the whole way home. It was uncomfortable, but I understand why he did it. He's so angry that I think he's afraid he would say something that he would regret. I know how his mind works. I have still never seen him so angry with me before. He was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. I'm afraid of what's coming to me once we get inside the apartment. I don't know if he's going to spank the living shit out of me or keep ignoring me or some other form of punishment. I keep my head down the whole time we're in the elevator going up to the apartment. When the door opens and we're inside, Taylor greets us. Christian gives him a look as to tell him there's no need to say anything to either of us. Shit, he's so mad that he won't even allow Taylor to speak.

"Go to the bedroom Anastasia" he says to me with a cold tone and dark gaze. I do as he says and walk quickly into the room and sit on the bed. I don't know what's going to happen and it's killing me. I decide to put my pajamas on and get comfortable. He says tomorrow I'm going to be uncomfortable, so I might as well be comfy tonight.

I lay in bed and stare into the darkness. Christian hasn't even came into our room since we've been home and that's been a little over an hour now. I'm guessing he's in his study, plotting my punishment. I'm getting restless, so I decide to venture out into the kitchen and grab an apple because I'm hungry. I see the light on in his study and I hear him talking, so I decide to eavesdrop on his conversation to see if I can get an early look at whatever he's planning on doing to me. I'm quiet so he won't know I'm up and listening. He's on the phone and his voice isn't as stern as it was earlier. This can only mean one thing. He's on the phone with his Mom.

"I just need you to come over and help me out with this Mom. I don't want to take her anywhere. She's not leaving again. I won't allow it… I know but I can do this with your help. Please, I'm begging you Mom! She needs my help. You don't know how bad it is, hell, I didn't even know until this evening… very well, I'll see you in the morning. And Mom, thank you" Christian hangs the phone up and lets out a huge sigh. I hear him typing something on his laptop. So Grace is going to help me with my alcohol dependency aye? Why doesn't he just tell the whole family!

I turn around to go back to the bedroom only to find myself bumping into Sawyer. I let out a yelp because it startled me. Then I cover my mouth and run quickly back into the bedroom so Christian doesn't catch me. I get under the covers and pretend I'm sleeping but I can hear footsteps coming into the room.

"Ana I know you're not asleep, so don't act like you are" Sawyer says quietly.

"Shh Luke! I don't want him knowing I was outside his door! He'll kill me, literally!" I say while whispering.

"What gives Ana? You guys were on good terms when you left then you come home looking like someone died! What happened?" Sawyer is questioning me about the weirdness that came through the door when we came back home. Sawyer is one of my best friends and I honestly think he'd kill Christian if he were to hurt me.

"He's fed up with my drinking, Luke. He found out I've been disguising vodka as water and he totally lost it. But you have to get out of here before he sees you in here!" I say while looking towards the door.

"Okay Ana, but I'll be in Taylor's quarters if you need me."

"Okay, go!" I smile at Luke. He's such a great guy. I feel myself dozing off to sleep. I hope Christian cools off and tries to be a little more patient with me when I wake up.

I wake up to the still of morning. Everything is so pretty looking. I look over at the clock and it's 8:36 am. I sit up to find gray eyes looking at me from across the room. I don't think he's slept at all. He's just sitting there like a statue. I can tell he's still in the same mood I fell asleep to.

"Good morning Anastasia." He says in that cold voice from the car. "I trust you slept well?" God, he's so formal with me this morning.

"I slept fine thank you Mr. Grey" I reply while looking down at my fingers.

"Good, because for the next few days, it's going to be very hard to relax." He gets up and walks over to me. He sits on the bed next to me and puts his hand on the side of my face. I look into his eyes and I see him soften a bit. "Oh Ana, I wish I didn't have to put you through what I'm going to, but this has to be done."

"What? You won't even tell me what's going on or what you're going to be doing to me" I say frustrated. I start fidgeting and rubbing my tummy. I don't know if it's that I have a bad feeling about what's coming or if I need a drink, but either way, it doesn't feel right.

"My Mom will be here soon to help me, and we'll go over with you what is going to happen or what the agenda is, if you will."

My leg starts shaking and I'm getting really anxious. I just feel very irritable. I hear Taylor greet Grace when she enters the apartment. Christian gets up to meet her by the door. They're saying something but I don't understand what they're saying because they're whispering. God damn it! I wish he'd just fucking tell me what's going on. I can't keep still, so I get up to go to the bathroom. I close the door and splash my face off with water. I notice my body is shaking. I'm getting really nauseous.

"Ana, honey, it's Grace. Can you go ahead and come out here so I can talk to you?" Grace knocks on the door. I don't know what Christian wants her to do, but I'm guessing it's not good. I just want to crawl into a dark corner and disappear. What I say next is a shock even to me. I never talk this way to anyone, let alone Grace.

"No! Fuck off! I'm not leaving the bathroom with either of you!" What the fuck did I just say! This isn't me talking!

"Anastasia Steele! Get the fuck out of the bathroom before I knock the door down!" I've really angered Christian now. What is going on inside of me!

Christian POV

I am quite shocked of what I heard on the other side of that door. My beautifully broken Ana just cursing my Mother out. If that was anyone else, they would have been kicked out immediately, but I can excuse Ana, just this once. Fuck! This is not her. I apologize to my Mom because she didn't deserve that.

"Christian, honey, it's not her talking, it's the alcohol. She's going through withdrawals right now and when that happens, your body goes through a violent shock. We just need her to lay down so we can give her plenty of fluids and vitamins that will flush the chemical dependency out of her system." Mom says with so much grace and professionalism. I agree with her and decide to kick the door open and carry her to bed.

"I'm coming in Miss Steele, whether you're ready or not!" I kick the door open and find her sitting in the bathtub, fully dressed, no water in the tub. She's rocking back and forth, holding her tummy. She gives me a look that would kill someone. I walk over to her to pick her up but she starts throwing punches into the air.

"No! Don't touch me! I don't need your help Christian! I'll do this, but right now, my whole body is aching! I need something to drink, please!" She's pleading with me with the anger of a fragile child.

I don't say anything and I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder. She's kicking and screaming. I call out to Taylor and Sawyer to help me restrain her once I get her to bed. I hold her down by her shoulders while Sawyer holds her ankles down.

"Ana, please listen to me" I say with stern voice. I look over at Taylor so he can take over her shoulders so I can talk to her. I stand straight up, look her in her broken blue eyes and take a Dom stance. "You've come to depend on alcohol as a coping mechanism and it ends here." I can see her visibly shake while looking in my eyes. Inside it's hurting me to see her like this, but I can't let her know this.

I pace back and forth, never leaving her eyes. "What we're going to do now Anastasia is put you through a detox, a strict detox. This is going to be painful, confusing, and maybe the hardest time in your life thus far, but you have to know that it's the only way to do this."

"Please Christian, don't do this! You're taking away the only thing that gives me peace!" She's trying to give me a guilt trip. She's crying so hard.

"Ana, Christian won't do anything to hurt you. We're all going to help you with this. Me, Christian, Sawyer, Taylor and Kate will be by later to help too. We all love you and want you to get better" Grace intervenes. Like a "Good cop/Bad cop".

"Okay, guys and Mom. I need to be alone with Ana for a bit. I'll call you guys back in when I'm ready for you" I say, but still looking at Ana. She needs to know that I'm going to be in control of her now, at least until she can control herself. I hear the door shut after the lot of them leave.

"Now can you sit there and not defy me?" I stand above her and let her know by my body language that I will not back down. She nods at me, still crying. "Good girl." I hand her a glass of water and a little cup filled with vitamins and extra strength Advil for her body aches. "Take these, they'll help the process of detox." She does as she's told and when she finishes her water, I give her another bottle.

"Christian, can I please have something to eat? I'm really hungry" She says, not looking me in the eye. She looks so small and weak just sitting there on the bed.

"Yes of course. I'll have Mom bring some oatmeal." I leave the room, closing and locking the door behind me. I return 5 minutes later with a bowl of oatmeal, toast and tea. I brought her Twinning's English Breakfast Tea, bag out, just as she likes it.

I set the tray in front of her. She's really struggling to eat as her hand is shaking like the spoon is too heavy. I take the spoon from her and I feed her. My Mom warned me that this will be like taking care of an injured child. As the body yearns for the alcohol that it's used to, the system reacts in such a way to trick the body that it needs the alcohol making the person feel sick, weak, angry, and in some cases violent.

"Christian please don't treat me like a fucking child!" she takes the spoon from me and tries to feed herself again. She's getting herself worked up even more. I grab the spoon again, look her in the eyes and feed her again.

"You're too weak right now, so I will feed you Miss Steele." I put the spoon to her mouth and with a force that surprises me, she pushes the tray of food off the bed and letting it splatter all over the floor. "Damn it Ana! What the fuck!" I get up and yell at her.

She tries to get off the bed, but I push her back down. She's starting to sweat and gives me the most evil look I've ever seen from her.

"I fucking hate you Christian Grey! Just let me fucking go!"

"Fucking hate me then, but you're not going anywhere! You can try to leave, but it's not happening! You belong to me and only ME Anastasia! I love you too much to watch you fucking kill yourself slowly! So go ahead, yell at me, throw shit at me and tell me you hate me, but I know better and I know what's best for you. And I'm not going anywhere, neither are you! We're going to do this because you deserve a fucking life and I deserve a fucking life with you! Now you're going to lay there, you're going to take the vitamins I give you, you're going to eat the food I give you because I'm in control here and I'm going to get you better! No more of this fucking nonsense Anastasia! Are we clear?" I let out a breath after that.

I watch her give me a death look and roll over on the bed and cover her head up with the blanket and yell with pain and anger. She can't lie still and she can't be at peace. This is so bad, but I can't let up this control or else she'll never get better. This is going to be a long road…


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Wow, the reception of the last chapter was great! A couple of you thought it wasn't the best time for Christian to be dominant. Some thought it was just what Ana needed. You'll be happy to know that Dom Christian is staying a little longer, but he's soon finding it's not as easy as it once was. He's going to have to find a balance of Dom and loving fiance to Ana. So we'll have a few different shades of Fifty to come! I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read and review, it helps me decide where to go next with this story**.

**Ana POV**:

All I want to do is curl up and die. This pain inside of me is horrible! I hate Christian right now and can't even look at him. His voice is making me pissed off and I feel if he says one more thing, I'm going to really lose it on him. And to top it off, it's fucking freezing in this room. Feels like I can't get warm enough. But the worst feeling is that I cannot lay still. I've laid in every position possible with no comfort. As I roll over onto my right side, I see Christian sitting there, staring at me.

"Stop fucking staring at me Christian!" I snap at him. "Can't you just leave the room and let me rest!"

"No I can't Anastasia. I told you I'm not going anywhere and I'm a man of my word. Plus, it's almost time for your meds." He gets up and goes to the door, calling Grace in. Grace is still here? What the fuck! I just want to be left alone!

"Hi Ana, honey. I'm going to give you some Ativan and some water. These will help you." She says like a caring Mother. "I also have a great colleague of mine named Deb Bailey out in the living room who would love to talk to you. She's an addiction counselor, specializing in alcoholism."

"Why the fuck would I want to talk to her? I don't know her and she doesn't have a clue about me except for whatever you told her!" I'm hurting so much that I don't care how I'm saying my words at this point. "And does she know that you two are holding me fucking hostage in this room?" I say to Christian who gets in my face.

"That's enough! Stop being disrespectful to my Mother! Yell at me all you want, but leave her out of your smart mouth!" He doesn't even blink when he yells this at me. "Now this isn't up for discussion Anastasia, so don't fight it. This will go better for all of us if you just obey what we tell you."

This is getting to be too much. I feel myself start to get nauseous and I start dry heaving. I clutch my stomach and cry in pain. When will this stop! I can't take much more of this! I take the medicine and water that Grace hands me and hope it helps. The room starts spinning and I lay down just staring at the ceiling for what seems like an eternity. It's the first time I've sat still for more than five minutes. I didn't even notice that Grace and Christian left the room, though I can hear them talking just outside the door.

**Christian POV**

"Mom, how much longer will she be like this? It's tearing me up to see her like that. This isn't Ana!" I start to get teary eyed. Just knowing she's laying in there writhing in pain and letting it consume the way she acts towards us. I normally would love the chance to be controlling and dominant, but it just doesn't seem right in this situation.

"You just have to be patient and keep control of the situation son. She can't see you lose your control because she'll try to talk her way out of it, and let's face it, when it comes to her, you give into her wants too quickly." Mom takes the sides of my face and looks me in the eyes. She's always been able to read my mind. She's right. This will be best for us if I just continue to be stern with her.

"She'll be fine honey, we just have to stand by her and give her as much tough love as we can" My Mom gives me a reassuring smile. "Now I'm going to help Gail make some lunch for us all. Go in and take care of your girl."

I slowly walk back in the bedroom to find Ana finally lying still. I hope she can stay like this. It's really killing me to see my beautiful Ana in this state. Normally she's so strong and nurturing but this addiction really did consume her fully. She must have heard me enter the room because she turns her head and looks at me.

"Christian, I'm in so much pain. Can I please have something, just a little something just to take the pain away?" She asks me so sweetly like my sweet Ana. I would do anything for this girl. I walk over to the bed and sit by her.

"Baby, you know I can't do that. We're trying to get all of the alcohol out of your system, not add to it." I say it softly while running my thumb on her chin. Her blue eyes start to cry. All I can do is pull her to me and hold her. I can feel her grip my shirt tight and go into a full on sob. I'm trying to keep my eyes from watering, but I can't help it either. _Control Christian, control Christian, no fucking tears_. I just rock her back and forth. I can't help but feel how sweaty she is. Her hair is drenched. This concerns me. Is she sick as well as detoxing? I lay her back down and kiss her forehead and leave the room quietly. I walk over to where my Mom and Deb are sitting with Gail in the kitchen.

"Excuse me ladies, but Ana is drenched in sweat and she's really hot. I don't know what's going on! Why is she so hot and sweaty? She said earlier she was cold!" I'm ask so scared for my Ana.

"Mr. Grey, don't worry. It's part of the detoxing. Her body is sweating the alcohol out of her system. It's a natural thing. I went through the same thing when I was detoxing. Soon after she's flushed out, she can start to heal mentally, but right now her body has gone into shock because it's been used to the alcohol for a while" Deb explains to me. I appreciate her being here because she's been through this. I'm definitely going to have Dr. Flynn come in at some point so Ana can talk through her demons. I think we need to sit down as a couple with him as well as individually.

"Thank you Ms. Bailey, I appreciate your helping us in this situation we're going through. I just want my fiancé to get better and know that we love her." I say graciously.

"She will, but it won't happen overnight. As long as she has the love of her family and friends, she'll get through it. I just want to warn you, at times, she might seem withdrawn at first, but that's just part of the healing process. Right about now she feels like she's alone and she's the only person who has gone through this. It's a selfish phase, but that's mostly the alcohol talking and taking over her brain. After it's out of her system, she'll come back around". This lady really knows her stuff. It wouldn't hurt to have her talk to Ana later on when she's more alert to what's going on. Right now isn't the best time, I think.

"Well ladies, I'm going back in there. Thanks again" I excuse myself and head back to our bedroom. I open the door to find Ana not in bed.

"Ana?" I look in the bathroom and the closet but she's not there. I turn around to find her on the balcony. She's just sitting there in her chair rocking back and forth. I go out to be with her. "What are you doing out here?"

She just keeps looking forward, towards the ocean. "I just needed some fresh air. I thought maybe fresh air would help my pain go away." She doesn't look at me. God, even with dark circles under her eyes, sunken cheeks and pale as snow skin, she still takes my breath away. She's a broken girl, but beautifully broken. I can't imagine my life without her.

"Baby, do you want to lay the chaise lounge back and lay out here for a while? Do you feel any better?" I only want her to be comfortable during this painful time. She nods, so I pick her up and sit her on the lounger, getting behind her so she can lay on me. I pull the back on the lounger down, so we're laying back, but still sitting up enough so she can watch the sun go down over the ocean, which is one of her favorite things to do. I feel her tense body shaking.

"Please don't give up on me Christian. I'm scared. I feel like I'm going to die" She says to me in a small voice, like a child.

"Baby, I'm here. I told you I'm not going anywhere. There's no other place in the world I'd rather be but right here, Ana." I say as I hold her tight and kiss her head from behind. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes" is all I get from her. No questioning why I asked or anything.

"Good because this is going to be a long, painful road to recovery and we're both going to travel it together. I just want you to trust me that I'll be there every step of the way, holding your hand and helping you get to the other side." I say snuggling her even more.

We sit there and watch the sun go down over the ocean and I find myself falling asleep.

**Ana POV**

The pain is too much to bear right now, but somehow with Christian holding me, I feel safe. I feel bad for the way I've been behaving. I trust him 100%.

We've been laying out here for 5 hours, with him sleeping and me watching the stars and moon. I feel my body start to really hurt again and I let out a yelp because it's more than I can stand. Christian jumps and immediately gets into controlled mode.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He jumps up.

"Christian! Please help me! It hurts!" I cry and scream.

He lifts me up and takes me to the bed and holds me.

"Shh, baby its okay. It's your body's way of going into shock and it's going to hurt some more, but you'll get through this because you're the strongest girl I know!" He says while holding me tight. "Mom!" He yells.

Grace comes to the door and walks over to the bed. "What is it honey?" She feels my head and sees me start shaking in pain. I'm trying to control my hurt by not yelling at anyone, but FUCK it hurts!

"Mom she's in pain again and I think she's going to start flipping out again!" Christian says as calmly as he can. "Can we give her something to calm her down again?"

"It's been about 7 hours since her last dosage, so I'm going to go ahead and give her something." Oh thank God when she leaves the room only to return with more medicine and water. I can feel myself not fighting so much against them as I see they're only trying to help me.

Christian grabs a cold, damp towel and wipes my face with it. He then draws me a bath and fills it with lavender and mint extract because he read that it helps relax and soothe aches and pains. He's worried about too much medicine. Christian doesn't believe in hard medicine, but more of natural healing. He helps me undress and takes me to the bath tub. It feels so good here in the water.

"Will you join me Christian?" I ask, hoping he would relax too. I know he's stressed beyond anything he's ever been.

"Unfortunately, I won't be joining you, as much as I want to." He looks at me apologetically. He turns the jets on in the tub and lets the massagers hit me. Oh this is helping me so much. He comes around the tub and washes my hair. He touches me so gently and caresses my head with every rub to my scalp. And after I'm done, he dries every inch of my body off, including my hair. Then he dresses me in my purple fleece pajama pants and his t shirt.

"I want you to get back in bed Anastasia, while I go get some soup for you" Christian instructs me. And although I don't feel like lying still, I do as I'm told. "We need to keep lots of fluids in you to gain some strength back, so more soup and water for you".

Even though I'm still hurting like hell, I trust to know Christian knows what he's doing and decide not to fight him anymore. This 50/50 blend of Christian being Dom and loving is really working. I just hope this pain goes away soon.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey all! You'll notice in this chapter I time lapsed it a bit. I'll do flashbacks to her struggles, but I felt it was time for some healing. In no way am I saying alcohol addiction is fast to fix, but after detoxing you can start seeing things more clearly and can start to work on yourself. Ana and Christian are desperate for each other and want to start working on rebuilding their relationship and themselves. You'll see a glimpse of just that in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it, and remember, Ana is far from being back to her old self, but she's trying. I hope you enjoy.**

**Ana POV**

I wake up to the sun shining in the room. I hear the birds singing outside, the cars below honking and for once in a very long time, I can think a little more clearly. It's been a week since the night I finally agreed to stop fighting against Christian and let him take control of my situation. Let me just say, it was hell at first. The pains, the nightmares, the constant bad thoughts in my head, but with each day things were getting a little better. I'm not saying that I'm 100% better or that this part of my life is done, because in all honesty, I think it's going to be a battle for me every day, but learning to face my problems and fight for myself is proving to help. I just lie in bed thinking of how bad things could have gotten had I kept running from Christian and our problems. I'm so full of regret. My thoughts are brought back when I hear the door start to open. I see those beautiful gray eyes peek through the door.

"Anastasia, are you awake?" Christian asked in his quiet voice. I smile because he's been so sweet and loving to me. I pretend that I'm sleeping because I know he'll come over and kiss me awake like Sleeping Beauty if he thinks I'm sleeping. Right on cue, he comes over and sits on the bed next to me. Even though my eyes are closed, I can feel his eyes on me. Then I hear the sweetest sound.

_"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away._"

He lightly runs his hands through my hair while he sings to me. He really does have the most soothing voice. I giggle at the thought of him thinking I'm asleep. He wouldn't have sung to me so freely had he known I was really awake. I giggle some more.

"Hey you sneaky girl! You tricked me!" He says while laughing. I peek one eye open and look at his gorgeous smile. Then I start laughing harder. "Oh, you think it's funny to trick me young lady?" He says while poking my armpits. He knows I'm very ticklish there. I start laughing really hard until tears come out of my eyes. Then I get an unknown strength and sit up to push him down on the floor. I straddle him and start pinching his neck because I know it's the most ticklish spot on his body.

"Hey wench, get off of me or you'll pay the price!" Christian says while wiggling around and laughing harder than I've heard him laugh in a long time. I keep tickling and he keeps laughing like a child. "Okay, that's it Ana! You're going down!" I screech and get off of him because I know he's about 2 seconds away from picking me up and doing some sort of tickle torture on me. I run to the other side of the bed and pick up the pillow from his side. He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. "You think a pillow is going to protect you lady?" He picks up the pillow from my side and starts walking over towards me slowly like he's a lion after his prey.

"Back up Grey or else you'll get it!" I yell to him. We find ourselves circling each other in our room. One of us has to strike and I think it's me because without hesitation, I smack the pillow across his face. He gave me an intense look then a smirk.

"Oh Miss Steele, you really shouldn't have done that, tsk tsk tsk" he says with a competitive look on his face. Uh oh, this is going to be fun! He then strikes me with the same force with the pillow in his hand. We start a full on pillow war. Smacking and running and soon we find ourselves in the kitchen, still beating each other with pillows. God, I needed this and I think Christian did too.

I see him run down the hallway, so I slowly stalk after him. I know he's just around the corner so I make my move. I swing my pillow and start laughing. I realize who I just hit and try not to laugh anymore but it's hard to keep in.

"I'm so sorry Jason! I thought you were Christian!" I say to Taylor while still trying to suppress my laugh.

"It's okay Ana, I get that all the time" he chuckles. "Now while you two kids play, I've got to take my lady out to lunch." I starts laughing as he walks away. Then he turns and looks at me with a smile. "Ana, it's really good to see you smile again".

I just stand there smiling and I agree with him. It feels good to smile again. Just as I was getting lost in thought, I feel a strong arm wrap around me and pick me up. Then I feel my body being thrown over some strong shoulders. I know this man's hold all too well. Playful Fifty still wants to play! He reaches up and smacks my butt. I return the favor and reach down to smack his. I guess I get a little carried away because he says "Owww!" and starts laughing. He carries me to our bed and throws me on it.

"Now, do you wish to continue this game Miss Steele?" He smiles at me. Damn he looks so fucking sexy right now. I nod and bite my lip. He stares at my lip and closes his eyes. I know full well what I'm doing to him. He opens his eyes and smirks. "Well too bad! I'm going to make dinner for us, and then we're going to watch a movie!" What? My Fifty wants to watch a movie? Strange.

"Did I just hear you right?" I ask with my eyes narrowed. "I could have sworn you just said that you were not only going to cook dinner, but also watch a movie?" I cross my arms playfully. He looks at me with a shy smile and shrugs his shoulders. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with my Fifty?" I ask while giggling.

"Just one of fifty shades baby! I have learned to like movies, but just don't get too excited, it's not going to be an everyday occurrence" he smiles at me and squeezes my leg. "Are you up for some grilled salmon and veggies?" He gets excited asking.

"Salmon? Wow, it seems you have ventured out from Mac n Cheese! Way to go Grey!" I smile and wink at him. He's being so cute right now. It's nice to see this playful side of Christian because the past week has been nothing but stress. I almost pushed him over the edge a couple nights ago. As he heads to the kitchen, I lay back on the bed and remember when we reached a breaking point.

"_Ana I don't know what to do at this point! You say you're going to obey me and let me help you, but within minutes, you're defying me once again! And you're taking to violence!" Christian shouted at me through the bathroom door. _

"_Maybe if you weren't such an asshole and showed me some decency, I wouldn't have to be like this!" I sit on the bathroom floor rocking back and forth. _

"_Asshole? All I'm doing is loving you and trying to help you see that you can get through this and you fucking throw a picture at my head!_

"_Because you wouldn't leave me alone! I'm trying the best I can here, but you keep bitching at me! Ana do this, Ana do that! Well I'm fucking tired of it Christian!" I start crying. As I lay on the cold floor of the bathroom, I hear glass breaking. Then I hear a loud thump. I get up and look out the door to see Christian throwing all of our pictures against the wall and shattering the frames. I also notice him knocking the bedside tables over._

"_Fuck all this shit! I don't need this!" He screams. He goes over to the wall and rips the shelf off the wall and throws it into the sliding glass door that goes to the patio. The glass shatters everywhere. I've never seen him this angry. He's usually more controlled with his anger._

"_Christian Grey! Stop it!" I run up to him and grab his arm. When I grab it, he turns too hard and knocks me onto the floor. His eyes open wide when he notices what happened._

"_Oh Ana! I'm so sorry baby!" He falls to the floor and pulls me to his chest. He holds onto me for dear life and starts crying like a child. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it"._

"_Shh it's okay Christian. We're both going through some heavy shit right now and I think this needed to happen." We just lay there on the floor, surrounded by glass, broken picture frames and whatever else was in Hurricane Christian's path. Rock bottom hit._

I was taken out of the thoughts of that night by Christian cursing in the kitchen. It sounded like something banged on the stove. "Fuck!" I heard him say loudly. Then I heard the water in the faucet turn on. I decided to go out and see what all the commotion was. Christian is standing at the sink with his finger under the water. Poor guy must have burnt himself.

"Christian what's going on out here?" I smirk, knowing he's trying so hard to impress me that he can cook something.

"I went to grab the rolls out of the oven and the oven mat moved off of my finger and I got burned." He said with a cute pout to his face. For him being one of the strongest men I know, he sure does get hurt easy. "But not to worry Miss Steele, this won't keep me from making you the best meal you've eaten!" He smiles up at me.

"Can't wait! Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask, knowing full well that he'll tell me no.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it baby. Let chef Christian handle this!" He has the biggest grin on his face and I can't help but giggle. All of our problems the other night are put away, at least for now, and that's how it should be. I watch him slowly cut different vegetables up, careful not to cut himself and to make them into perfect strips and chunks. Even cooking, he's a perfectionist.

"It smells good Mr. Grey, what are you seasoning it with?" I quiz him to see how much he really knows about cooking.

"Umm let's see, a little garlic, lemon, olive oil and this green stuff that makes it look nice" he points to a small jar of oregano.

"You don't even know what that is and you're putting it in your food?" I raise an eyebrow at him. He just shrugs his shoulders and goes about his business. I roll my eyes and smile.

"I saw that Miss Steele. Just because my back is turned, don't think I don't know what you're doing" he says while grilling the salmon. I have to chuckle because it's true, this man does know me inside out.

**Christian POV**

An hour after cooking, I set the table with the plates, glasses, silverware, and the finishing touch, candles. Looks perfect! I'm not used to having a romantic dinner without a wine of some sort, but for Ana, I am happy to it, it's simple. Ana disappeared into the bedroom about 30 minutes ago when I playfully told her to stop bugging me while I cook. I hope she didn't fall asleep in there. I call to her that dinner is ready. I turn around to see a vision in red appear before my eyes.

"Anastasia you look exquisite!" I say getting weak in my voice. She enters the dining room wearing a deep red Valentino evening dress with the black Jimmy Choo heels. I take this beautiful sight in and I swallow hard. I haven't seen her look so… so… elegant for a long time. This is my Ana. As I walk up to her, I notice she's wearing her engagement ring again along with the pearls I gave her for her Birthday.

"Does it look okay?" she bites her lip as she asks.

"No, it doesn't look okay, Ana" she looks down with sad eyes. I take her chin with my hands and lift her face to mine. "You look beautiful. You look spectacular!" She looks at me with need in her eyes. I inch closer to her lips, close my eyes and kiss her softly. Immediately I feel that electricity between us. We pull away and look into each other's eyes. She then lunges towards me and kisses me hard. I wrap my arms around her tightly and take in her beautiful lips to mine. I pull away, only thinking to say one thing…

"Hell with the dinner!"


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This is a short chapter, as I have a more longer one coming up soon! We'll be reintroduced to some characters. Thanks for you patience and your lovely reviews!**

Ana POV:

I lay here in the light of the moon shining in our room thinking of what just happened only 2 hours ago. We were getting ready for dinner, then all of the sudden I was ravaged by the man who is now lying next to me, sleeping like a baby. It was unexpected, unplanned, yet so sexy and so like my Fifty to do it. It was a long time coming though. I close my eyes and relive it in my head.

"_Fuck dinner!" Christian growls while turning the oven and stove off. He stalks over to me and goes in for the kiss that takes my breath away. It was hard, passionate and lustful. He wanted me in every way possible. Probably because it has been almost 4 months since we've made love. I enjoy this! I jump up, wrap my legs and arms around him and let him kiss, bite and suck all over. He carries me to the bed where he throws me down. I stand back up and he pushes me back down. "No Ana. Stay there, as I'm going to rip that expensive dress right off of you." He tells me with gray eyes full of want and desire. _

"_Oh Christian, I need you" I say then bit my lip._

"_Then you shall have me and I you." He smirks. And with one movement, he grabs the top of my dress and rips it down til I'm naked. He smiles big as he sees I'm not wearing underwear. Climbing on top of me, he starts kissing me again. His hands exploring all the parts of me. His touch sends electric shivers down my spine and I moan in pure delight._

"_Oh baby, I need you" I say in a soft voice. I never want this to end. This feels so right on so many levels. I keep my eyes held into his gray eyes. Both of us are emotionally joined into this desire._ _His tongue is tasting my skin, from my navel all the way up to my mouth. My tongue dances with his. He bites my bottom lip and gently tugs on it._

"_I love you Anastasia" he says in a low voice. His hand moves down my body and grabs my sex. He slowly slides his middle finger over my clit and rubs it softly and in a circular motion. I am moaning in pure love. "As always, you're so ready for me" he says while nibbling on my earlobe. _

_I spread my legs and accept him into me. He thrusts slowly and gently at first, but slowly starts going faster. We move our bodies together in unison, matching move for move. I bite his neck and chest while he's inside of me. He pulls my hair back so I he can kiss my hungry lips._

_After what seems like forever in paradise, It builds up inside me so much I explode while he's inside and as if he was waiting to for a cue, he released inside me, filling me with his warmth. He collapses on top of me and smiles. I look into his eyes and bite my lip. God, I adore this man. I missed this._

"_Ana, this was so beautiful. This is a moment I've dreamed of for so long now." He kisses me softly. All is right with our world. He smiles really big and says "I worship you my goddess". I just giggle as he takes me again… in fact, we made love 4 more times before finally falling asleep. _

I'm brought back to the present time when I feel Christian moving around on the bed. He's sleeping so well and so peacefully that I when I get out of bed, he doesn't even notice as usual. I decide I'm going to surprise him and finish the dinner he started before our sexy romp in the sheets. He'll love it as he's always starving after we make love.

All that's left for me to do is warm everything up because Christian already had it mostly done. The candles that he sat on the table have all burned out, so I go get more and light them. It looks so pretty and perfect. I go over to the iPod and put on some nice, romantic music. The first song to come on is "By Your Side" by Sade. I sing quietly to myself while tossing the salad in a bowl and mixing the dressing into it. Then I feel a voice sing along with mine. I turn and Christian walks slowly towards me, smiling as he's singing.

"_**You think I'd I ever leave your side baby? You know me better than that. Think I'd leave you down while you're down on your knees? I wouldn't do that…"**_

"Miss Steele, would you care to dance with me?" he says while holding his hand out and bowing down like Prince Charming. I don't say anything, I just look into his eyes, grab his hand and let him lead me in a slow, sweet dance. "This is a nice surprise Ana. I woke up because I smelled something cooking and when I saw you in here, I just had to watch you for a few minutes. It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful you are" he says while twirling me around.

"Well I know how you're always hungry after we make love, so I took the liberty of finishing what you started earlier. And actually, for the first time in a long time, I'm actually starving, so it's a win-win situation" I say with a big smile. "Come on, let's eat."

I lead him over to the table and he sits down. I place the napkin in his lap. He just watches me closely, observing my every move. I bring the carafe of grape juice over to the table and pour it into our wine glasses. He raises an eyebrow at me and smirks.

"Grape juice?" he lets out a cute giggle.

"I'm improvising here since I can't drink wine anymore" I give him a shy smile.

"Grape juice works fine with me Miss Steele" he says, then grabs my hand so I bend over towards him. "In fact, you work just fine as well". He kisses me softly. I poke his nose, then I go and get the food and serve him. It feels nice to serve my man and take care of him after he's done it for me for these past few months.

He raises his glass up for a toast and smiles. "Here's to you, my beautiful, lovely Anastasia."

"Why me?" I grin big.

"Because you're an amazing woman baby. And you've dealt with so much going on in your life only to come out the other side stronger than you were before." I explains it with such pride.

"Well thank you, but what about you? You've been nothing but caring, kind and loving to me while I've thrown so much shit your way these past few months. And I'm so sorry for the way I acted and pushing you over the edge the other night… I guess I just want to say to you, Mr. Grey, that I appreciate everything you've done for me and if anyone deserves a toast, it's you"

"Well, then seeing as we're toasting each other, then cheers to us for never giving up on each other!" He says while we tap our glasses together. We both take a drink of our grape juice and laugh.

"You picked a good year on that grape juice Miss Steele" Christian playfully mocks me as if I just gave him a vintage wine.

"Smart ass" I giggle and roll my eyes.

Christian raises an eyebrow while taking a drink of juice. "Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"I did" I say then bite my lip.


	17. Chapter 17

Ana POV

The next couple of weeks fly by and with each passing day I'm feeling better. It slowly feels like I'm getting back to who I was before all the mess took place. Christian and I have been more open with each other about our feelings and not bottling up emotions no matter how we think it'll affect the other one. We have weekly meetings with Dr. Flynn, which really is helping to keep the lines of communication open. And believe it or not, Christian doesn't stress the little things as much anymore. We decide to have a dinner party at our home to get everyone together. It seems like since the miscarriage, I really have blocked everyone out of my life. And now that I'm doing better, I need to touch base with those I've hurt and apologize for my actions. Plus it gets us all together as a family. Christian is even flying Mom out here for me on his private jet. She's excited about that because she thinks she feels like a princess that way. I really do need to catch up with her and see how she's doing because last month, Bob decided to leave her for another woman. So maybe some Mother/Daughter time would help both of us out.

I decided that what my life needs is a big spring cleaning, so today, I'm cleaning out the house of things we don't need. I'm in our closet right now throwing stuff into a big box to take down to consignment shop so they can sell it for the charity. I don't know how I acquired all of these clothes, but it's just too much. Going through all of this brings back memories of different things that have happened in this past year that I've been with Christian. Dresses, shoes, purses galore. I can't part with some of it, but a lot of it I never even wear, so out it goes. I've pretty much got most of my stuff cleared out, so I walk over to Christian's side of the closet. It baffles me why the man has so many different articles of clothing yet only wears the same outfits over and over. A lot of these clothes I've never even seen before. They're cute! Clothes with actual colors in them! I decide to keep some of it and see if I can get him to actually wear them. These are actually look like they belong to some 28 or 29 years old. Maybe I can finagle him into wearing something at the dinner party since we said it's casual anyway. I'm torn away from sorting clothes when I hear the house phone ring.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hello, this is Floyd Crandle, the manager of Escala and we a delivery down here for Mr. Grey" the man on the other line stays rather snobbish.

"Okay, I'll be right down" I say then hang up the phone. I wonder what it is. He usually has his packages delivered to his Grey House office.

"Where you heading off to Ana?" Sawyer says coming out of the security quarters. He's always got his eye on me when Christian is here. And we still haven't really had a heart to heart talk about what went down. It's like there's an awkward wall between us when before, we were like best friends. I guess I need to talk to him and apologize.

"There was a call from the lobby saying Christian has a package waiting for him so I was going down to get it, no biggie" I say while not making eye contact with him.

"I'll get it, you just stay here"

"Oh honestly Luke, I can go into an elevator and down to the damn lobby and right back" I argue, rolling my eyes.

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn? Can't you let someone else do something without arguing?" Sawyer replies frustrated.

"Because I want out of this apartment even if it's just for 5 freaking minutes!"

"I have an idea, why don't you both go down there together and stop arguing like a bunch of 5 year olds?" Gail cuts in while cleaning the kitchen. I guess we were annoying her.

Sawyer and I just look at each other and start laughing. Then Gail starts in laughing. Luke walks over to me and gives me a big hug and pinches my arm really hard like he used to before the drama went down.

"Oww Luke! Your ass is grass for that!" I yell then poke his ribs then run out the front door.

"Hey! Come back you little brat!" he chases after me down to the elevator. When he catches up to me he starts laughing.

"I guess we should behave if we're going down the lobby" I say trying to straighten my face.

"Yeah, we don't want to show badly on Mr. Grey" Luke snickers.

After we get the box from the lobby, we head back up the elevator to the apartment. We keep laughing and every time we try to hold it in, it makes us laugh harder. I guess we are acting a little immature, but I can't help it! It's just the way Luke and I are.

"It's good to have you back and laughing Ana" he said while smiling. "It really sucked not having you here. I missed you Ana banana!

"I missed you too Luke, and I'm so sorry for the way I have behaved towards you. I'm really ashamed of myself for going so far off the deep end." I look into his eyes because I want him to know just how sorry I really am. "I promise I'll make it up to you okay?"

"Just you being here and smiling is enough for me" he says while hugging me.

When we reach the foyer to the apartment, we start laughing again because Gail said "Oh the kids are back" to us. We're laughing so hard that we have tears in our eyes.

"Just don't ever let Christian catch us goofing off so much because we all know how his mercurial ass will be" I say while giggling. Then I make a voice that would mocking Christian's. "Sawyer, I pay you to protect Anastasia, not to best fucking friends. Now go follow Taylor around like puppy!" I laugh, but notice Luke isn't smiling. He clears his throat and points behind me. I close my eyes tight. Shit! He's behind me! I turn around slowly to see Fifty standing there with one eyebrow raised.

"Um, I'm going to, um, go find something to do" Luke says while excusing himself to get out of this situation.

I smile at his apologetically. Then Christian walks over to me slowly like he just cornered his prey. His eyes are dark and his mouth is in a hard-line. I back up until I hit the dining room table. He holds my head between his hands and looks into my eyes.

"Do I really sounds like Miss Steele?" he says with a smirk on his face.

"Yes you do Mr. Fifty Shades" I say with a relaxed grin. "And just what are you doing home so early?"

"Well I had a meeting and it went really well. Looks like the deal in Toronto is going to go through, so I there was no need for me to stick around. I thought I'd come home and spend the rest of the afternoon with my beautiful girl." He says while kissing me.

"Sounds like a plan to me! Oh yeah, before I forget, there was a package delivered for you at the lobby today. That's where I was when you got home." I say pointing over to the package on the counter.

"It was delivered here?" Christian stares at it with a puzzled look. "I don't usually accept packages here".

"I know, that's what I thought, but maybe someone didn't know to deliver it to Grey house?"

"Possibly, but maybe I should have it checked out first. Something just doesn't feel right about it."

Usually Christian's gut feeling is right, so I agree that maybe Taylor should have it x-rayed. He briefs Taylor and Sawyer. Taylor takes the box into security quarters to x-ray it.

"You have an x-ray machine here at Escala?" I ask out of shock. It really shouldn't surprise me.

"Of course, you can never be too careful" he winks at me and walks to the security quarters.

I sit at the breakfast bar and play Angry Birds on my iPad. I'm pretty good at this game, but the funny thing to watch is Christian try to play this game. He gets so frustrated. Then he tries to google cheats on how to win. It makes him so mad that there's something he's not good at. My Fifty is such a perfectionist. I giggle to myself thinking of him cussing at the birds on the screen.

"Playing that fucking game again?" he comes back and kisses my head.

Later on that day, we start getting things ready for the dinner party. I'm excited and scared but I'm mostly happy to see everyone again in the same place. While I'm picking out my outfit to wear tonight, I glance over at the clothes I sat aside for Christian. I think I'm gonna ask him if he'll wear these clothes for me tonight.

"Hey Christian!" I yell for him. I don't get an answer, but I'm too lazy to go look for him so I shout again, louder. "CHRISTIANNNNNNN!"

"Are you okay Ana?" Christian comes running into the room. I start giggling at his worry sounding voice. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in the closet!" I yell back, laughing harder.

"What was so important that you had to shout to me instead of coming to find me?" He's trying to stifle a smile.

"I just want to ask something baby" I give him an innocent look and bite my lip, knowing I can pretty much get anything I want by doing so.

"What is it?"

"Do you trust me?" I bat my eyes at him.

He laughs. "Of course I do, but why do I sense a little mischief in your voice Miss Steele?"

"Mischief? Me? Never"

"Alright, what are you up to?" he smirks and narrows his eyes.

"Christian, baby, can I pick out your outfit for the dinner party tonight?" I kiss on his neck.

"You keep kissing on me like that, you could rob a bank for all I care" he kisses me back.

I pull away quickly. "Great! Then please, put these on!" I laugh.

"Oh you can't just do that to me, you come back" he growls with a sexy smirk.

"Oh I can, and I DID! Put this outfit on and you can have me all you want Mr. Grey!" I play around with him.

"I've never even worn these before, where did you get them?" He looks at them funny.

"In the closet, way in the back, hiding away from your normal CEO gear".

"I'll give it a try I suppose, but you best be ready for what's coming" he starts stripping his clothes off. Oh God, he still gets me every time he takes his shirt off. His chest and abs are perfectly sculpted like a God. I just stare at him with my mouth open slightly. My mouth goes dry. He just smirks at me. He knows exactly what he's doing to me. "Enjoying the view Miss Steele?"

"Is it even legal to look that fucking good?" Is the only thing I can say.

"We aim to please!" he winks at me and gives me his mega watt smile. "Now turn around so I can surprise you with this damn outfit."

I turn around and immediately miss the view I was enjoying. I know he's going to look super hot!

"Okay, you can turn" he says playful. I turn and see my man is looking his age. He's wearing a pair of black jeans, a baby blue t-shirt with a black zip up hoodie on. He's got the hood on, but some of his hair showing still. I didn't pick his shoes out, but he matched them quite well. He put on a pair of black converse.

"Oh Christian, you look fucking hot!" I smile so big. "You actually look your age, maybe younger" I giggle like a high school girl who's looking at her crush.

"You like it? I think I do too. It's comfortable and cozy." He crinkled his nose and smiles. He is off the charts adorable like this. I walk up to him and kiss him hard. We start getting hot and heavy when we hear a knock on the door.

"Sorry to intrude but Dr. Trevelyan-Grey and Mr. Grey are here with Miss Grey, sir." Gail says through the door.

"Already?" Christian whispers to me. "Thank you Mrs. Jones, could you entertain them while Miss Steele and I finish getting ready?"

"Of course sir".

**A/N: The upcoming chapter will be ready at some point today. It'll be the dinner party where a few familiar faces come. Thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: To all my reviewers, I just have to say something our dear Christian would say… "Always so eager for information." Many of you asked about what was in the box. Well, your answer will be coming up in this chapter. As always, I appreciate any feedback, reviews, and words of encouragement. I hope you guys like this one! And in case you're wondering about the whole hoodie outfit I made Ana put Christian in, it was a look from an interview of Matt Bomer where he had one on. Go to youtube and search Matt Bomer adorable interview moments, and it's the first little segment they show. Thanks again!**

Christian POV

Being as that I'm already dressed in the outfit Ana chose for me, I might as well go out to greet our guests. I hope everything goes alright with our surprise visitors for Ana. I walk out to the living room to see my parents and Sister sitting on the couch. When I enter, they all three look at me funny. I guess they're not used to me dressing like this. I smile because it's funny how much Ana can talk me into. I guess love does that to you.

"Yes, I'm fully aware that I'm not in my usual wardrobe and that I may look funny. Blame it on Ana!" I say while chuckling.

"O-M-G Christian! You look so stylish and awesome!" Mia says while hugging me. "This actually looks great!"

"What are you trying to say Mia? That I'm not always stylish?" I joke around with my Sister and poke her arm.

"You are stylish for a CEO, but for a normal 28, almost 29 year old, you're not. But THIS looks your age!" She laughs.

"I think you look handsome either way Son" My Mom cuts in while looking at me with angelic smile. She hugs me and touches my cheek.

"I think it looks like something your Brother would wear" My dad chuckles.

"Oh great, and here I thought I might like this look" I roll my eyes as I shake my Dad's hand. "You guys, Ana will be out in a moment, she's finishing getting ready, so please make yourselves comfortable while I get you all drinks."

I walk over to the bar and notice all the different non-alcoholic beverages available. Even some non-alcoholic wine. This will be nice so she doesn't get tempted to drink.

"What would you guys like to drink? I have non-alcoholic wine, non-alcoholic beer, juice, soda…" I point to the bar area. Mom and Dad decide on the wine and Mia wants a Diet Coke. I bring them their drinks and notice Ana walk out of the bedroom. She looks great! She's wearing a long, flowy, black skirt with a white silky sleeveless top. Simple, casual and feminine, just like my Ana.

"Ana, dear, how are you?" My Mom gets up to hug her. Mia follows and also gives her a hug. I smile because those are my three favorite women on the planet. All three are beautiful.

"I'm doing great Grace, thank you." She grabs Mom's shoulder, then hugs Mia back. "It's really good to see you!"

My Dad stands up to greet Ana as well. "Hey there's my beautiful daughter-in-law!"

"Carrick! How are you?" Ana walks up to my Dad and hugs him. I'm so happy my family gets along.

"Hey what's with all this hugging? Where's my hug little lady?" Elliot says as he walks through the front door with Kate. "Ooh it smells good in here Gail! Are you making those bomb chicken wings I love so much?" Gail giggles and nods her head.

"Elliot! Kate!" Ana runs up to them and hugs them. It's as if no drama had ever happened and Ana was just on a long vacation.

We all sit around talking, eating, and catching up. The doorbell rings and I know who it is.

"Hey Ana, do you mind getting the door for me? My foot is asleep." I make up a lie, a horrible lie at that, just so I could get her to open the door for her guests.

"Sure!" She says walking over to the door. I watch with a smile on my face as she opens it. She lets out a squeak and shouts "Mom! Ray! You're here!" She's jumping up and down like a little girl on Christmas.

"Hey my little sugarplum! Of course we're here, there's nowhere else we'd rather be!" Ray stays while hugging his little girl, my beautiful Ana.

"Yeah, we missed you so much baby girl!" Carla cried.

"Well come in guys! Everyone's in here!" Ana held both of their hands, like a proud daughter.

"Hey Ray" he shakes my hand, then I give Carla a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hello Carla, you look quite beautiful." She blushes, now I see exactly where Ana gets it from. "Please make yourselves at home. There are snacks and drinks over there", I say pointing to the bar area. "And dinner will be served shortly."

There's another surprise coming for Ana, which should be here at any time now. But until then, we all just enjoy each other's company and catch up on each other's lives. My blackberry buzzes and I excuse myself into my office.

"Grey" I say to the unknown number.

"Mr. Grey, we're here in the lobby" the voice says.

"Very well, please come up" I say then hang up.

I walk back into room and keep watching the door. Then I hear the doorbell. Inside I'm smiling but I keep a straight face. I know Ana is going to love this. She looks at me strange.

"I'll get it" I tell her. She goes back to talking to everyone in the living room. When I open the door, I tell them to be quiet because I don't want Ana to see anything just yet. Instead of going towards the living room, I hide them in the foyer, behind the wall.

"Who was that?" Ana asked with a curious look. I smile at her and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Well, who was it?" she giggled. With that, I turn around and whistle. Around the corner comes a beautiful husky dog. Clean fur, nice, healthy weight. Ana's eyes get about as wide as the moon when she sees her surprise.

Ana POV:

After Christian whistles, I hear a jingle like a chain. I turn to see Shadow, my companion in California, running straight towards me. He looks so great!

"Shadow! Oh my God!" I bend down and pet him. His fluffy tail is wagging a hundred miles a minute. "Look at you boy! You look so healthy and pretty!"

"As do you Annie" a voice calls to me.

I stand up to find Peter and Diane walking in from the foyer. I haven't seen them since the night Christian found me in Carmel. My eyes get watery. I never thought I'd see them or my Shadow again.

"Peter! Diane! I'm so happy to see you guys!" I say hugging them.

"Annie you look beautiful!" Diane says, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Thank you. I feel great!" I say, blushing. "How did you guys know to come here?"

"Well the night I let Christian into the house to come get you, I made him promise to keep me updated on how you were doing and in return, he asked us to take care of Shadow and get him healthy so we can return him to you." Peter explain while grabbing my arm.

I look at Christian and he smiles at me. I love this man so much. I want everyone to meet these people and my Shadow.

"Please, come in!" I say while leading them to the family. Everyone watches me and looks at Shadow. "Everyone, I want you to meet some important people." Everyone stands up. "This is Peter and Diane. They took me in when I was on the run and fed me and let me shower. And this little guy is Shadow. He kept me company while I was in California and protected me."

Everyone hugged Peter and Diane and pet Shadow. It was a great surprise. Christian pulled me away into the foyer for quick moment. And gave me a kiss.

"Did you like your surprises baby?" He asked while smiling

"Oh Christian, I absolutely did!" I say with tears in my eyes. "So does this mean that Shadow is staying with us now?" Please say yes, please say yes…

"Yes, of course! I just needed you to get better before we took on the responsibility of caring for the dog. Plus I think he needed to get healthy himself."

"I agree with that and I'm so happy you did it this way Christian".

We start kissing then quickly get interrupted.

"You two never stop the chance to be all over each other I swear!" Elliot laughs. "Gail sent me back here to tell you that dinner is ready, you crazy kids".

Dinner was great. I felt like nothing could be better. I had my beautiful Fifty next to me, my parents, his parents, Mia, my best friend Kate and Elliot. Plus the added edition of Peter, Diane and Shadow. I also make Gail, Taylor and Sawyer sit down and enjoy the meal with us because they're my family also. I just smile because this is how life should be. How did I ever screw it up so badly before? I take a drink of my Iced Tea and Christian squeezes my hand and stands up.

"I just wanted to take a moment to say a few things. I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. You have no idea what it means for Ana and myself to share this dinner with you guys. Thank you Carla for flying out here from Georgia. Thanks Peter and Diane for flying up from California to bring Shadow back to my Ana. And thank you to my family for coming out tonight as well. This is what life is about. Family." He takes a drink from his grape juice. "And now I just want to say something to my wonderful, beautiful Anastasia. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you for being so strong and for fighting for yourself, and for us. I know things haven't been the best and I know you've been going through a lot these past few months, but I just want to tell you again that you never have to fight this alone. Every person in this room loves you and will fight for you, especially me. So I just want to raise a toast to you tonight to tell you that I love you and that I promise to always be here for you." He raises his glass "Here, here!"

"Here, here!" everyone says in unison.

Everyone stays for about another couple hours then head out to their own places. Peter and Diane go back to their hotel and my parents go to Grace and Carrick's house for the night. And after everyone leaves, Christian and I are finally alone to relax. We just lay in bed, still in our clothes just talking. It's nice to just talk and reconnect with each other. I feel a sense of peacefulness come over us both. I'm lying in his arms and he's rubbing my back.

"Thank you" I say while rubbing his chest.

"For what baby?" he says softly.

"For tonight and for never giving up on me"

"I would never dream of giving up on you Ana. You're my home. If you leave, then I'm lost. You're my lifeline."

Before I know it, I'm drifting off to sleep in his arms.

When I wake up, Christian isn't in bed, so I decide to get up and see where he's at. I walk around until I hear talking coming from his study. The door is shut, so I decided to just listen as closely as I can. I hear him talking to Taylor and Sawyer.

"I don't care Taylor, just fucking find him!" Christian yells, but with a lower tone as not to wake anyone up.

"Sir, he could be in Canada by now for all we know" Taylor argues back.

"Do you think I fucking care where he's at right now? I could give a fuck less if he's in god damn Iceland, you find him and bring him to me!" Christian growls. "He's not going to be sending me threatening shit in the mail and not expect me to fight back! Now GO!" Shit! He's really angry.

I decide to run back to the bedroom and get back in bed. I don't want Christian to know that I was eavesdropping. I hear his footsteps coming. Then he opens the door.

"Don't think I didn't know you were running back to bed Miss Steele. You may have little feet, but you run pretty heavy" Christian says while chuckling.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sir" I giggle back at him. "But since you know I was listening now, can you please explain to me what you were yelling at Taylor about? Who are you sending him to find and what was in that box?"

Christian just smiles at me. "It sounds like you're interviewing me again Miss Steele, where's your mini disc recorder?"

"Oh ha ha, funny!" I laugh. "But I'm serious, I want to know what's going on!"

"Ana, please, I don't want you involved in this. It's not healthy for your recovery" He says with a concerned look on his face.

"I know you're only doing what you think is safe for me, but really I don't want secrets"

Christian looks at me for a few moments, then lets out a sigh. "Very well. The box that you went and got today is from a guy named Tommy Garrett."

"Okay, so who is Tommy Garrett and what does he want?"

"Tommy Garrett is an ex-employee of GEH. I had him fired last year because he was found in my office after the building had closed for the evening. He broke in and was stealing some files to my acquisition of a business in Stockholm."

"So what does he want then Christian? He's obviously disgruntled."

Christian gazes at me, then starts pacing around the room, running his hands through his hair. I can tell he's really struggling with whether or not to tell me. He sighs again, taking a seat next to me on the bed. He grabs my hand and looks into my eyes.

"He wants you Ana"

**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter. It was nice to have some friendly faces and a few laughs. But we all know the world of Christian and Ana can't be smooth sailing all the time. So we've now introduced a new villain to this story. I hope you ride it out with me to see how the story unfolds.**


	19. Chapter 19

Ana POV

When will the drama end in my life? Just when I think there's a little glimpse of light and a smooth life ahead, something always sets me back. I was getting my life back on track from my drinking problem, had an open line of communication with everyone, and I was feeling great, now I have someone I don't even know wanting to kidnap me or want me dead? I don't know what I did to deserve any of this!

"You didn't do anything to deserve this Ana, so please stop thinking that" Christian said as if he read my mind. He does that quite often, it scares me sometimes. "This is my problem, not yours baby."

"I think it is my problem, since I'm the one he wants, Christian", I scoff back at him.

"Let's just try to live our lives as normal okay? I've got Welch tracking him down and wherever he's at, Taylor is going to get him and bring him back here so we can take care of this situation" he looks at me in the eyes with his blazing dark gray eyes.

"But Christian-"

"Let's just try okay? We're doing good, right? Aren't we doing good now?" he asks while running his hands through my hair.

"Yeah, at least I thought we were!"

"Then let's just keep getting better." He smiles. "We'll catch him and be done with it".

"Okay baby" I say, laying my head on his chest. Soon he falls asleep, but I lie there awake, thinking of what this Tommy guy would want from us. Christian really didn't give too much away. He never really told me what that box had in it either. I decide I'm going to do a little detective work. I get out of bed really gently as not to interrupt Fifty's peaceful slumber.

I go to his office and look for the box. I don't see it. Maybe he had Taylor take it or maybe he's hiding it from me because he knows I can't ever leave things alone. When I walk around his desk, I see the box hiding underneath it where the legs of his chair rolls under. I pull it out and take a deep breath. Do I really want to look? Here goes nothing.

"Ana? What are you doing in here?" I jump out from being startled. I look up and see Sawyer in the doorway. "You shouldn't be in here snooping through stuff you know."

"I know, but Christian really wouldn't tell me what was in this box." I whisper. "He told me who sent it and that he wanted me for something, but that's it".

"And that's all you need to know, now go back to bed before I get Mr. Grey!" He yells while he whispers.

"No! I won't be kept in the dark about this, Luke! Now either you tell me or I'm going to look in this box myself and find out what it is!"

"You know I can't tell you that. It will go against Mr. Grey's orders. Please just spare me getting yelled at and go back to bed. He'll tell you when he's ready!" Luke pulls me out of the door. I turn around and blocks me from going in. "GO!" he pushes me.

"Fine! But you're on my shit list now Luke!" I say as I turn to leave.

"Good! Now get out of here! I'm going to be standing guard of this door until he wakes up you know!" he whispers loudly. I think I can hear him laughing at me. That little shit!

I get back into bed, and Christian is still in the same spot he was in when I left, thank God! I cuddle back up to him and fall asleep. He's so warm and comfy. His arms feel like a warm blanket of security. I notice Shadow is lying on the floor on Christian's side of the bed.

When I wake up, Christian has already woken up. I find him sitting at the breakfast bar eating some cereal and reading the paper. He's still in his pajama pants with no shirt. I just stand back and watch this beautiful man for a moment. Everything about him perfect. And I love the way his hair falls perfectly without him having to do anything to it. I walk over to him and kiss him on the head. Shadow is staring at him waiting for a hand out. I pet him on the head.

"Hey sleeping angel! Good morning!" He says with his gorgeous smile.

"Good morning yourself handsome!" I say with a shy smile. He turns to kiss me on the lips and it feels great. I can taste the coffee on his tongue. I notice he's not eating his usual, plain corn flakes cereal. "Whatcha eating there Grey?"

"Fruit Loops!" They were my favorite as a kid, so I asked Gail the other day, if she could pick some up for me because they sounded good" He says like a happy child.

"I think I'll join you for a bowl as I used to love these too!" I say, getting the cereal out of the pantry.

"So I was thinking of going for a hike this morning with Shadow here," he reaches down and scratches the dog's ear.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep! Care to join us?" He asks with a smile.

"I'd love to! Then we can go to PetsMart and get him some goodies!" I get excited at the thought of spoiling Shadow. He's such a good dog and I think he had a hard life before finding me on the beach that day.

"Sounds like a plan lady!" He says while finishing his cereal and placing the bowl in the sink. He goes into his office to make a few calls, shadow following him close behind.

"Trader" I say to myself as Shadow seems to be Fifty's shadow now. I laugh to myself.

The day was really nice; we never brought up Tommy or the box, even though I was thinking about it. I don't want to upset Christian. The hike was great. It was nice to breathe in the nice mountain air. We had a picnic by the lake where Shadow decided to play and get muddy. Good thing we went to PetsMart, because they have a groomer there. He got a full on spa treatment; dipped, clipped and his teeth were brushed. They all adored Shadow. Plus Christian went overboard buying food, toys, and goodies for our boy. Christian really is attached to Shadow. I didn't think he would be, but he's so playful and fun with him. It's so nice to see. When we get home, we both collapse on the couch as we're so worn out from today's festivities. We're meeting at Christian's parents for dinner tonight. My parents are there, so it'll be nice to have both parents there.

When we arrive at Christian's parent's house, Grace greets us at the door. She's so elegant and classy, even on a casual night like this. When we walk in, my parents are sitting on the couch with Carrick. He and Ray are talking the best fishing spots, while Mom just listens. She's sitting really close to Ray. Makes me wonder if there's something going on there. They've always cared for each other, so maybe they'll give their love another shot. That would be great because they're both at their best when they're together.

"Hi guys!" I say to the room. Everyone gets up and we all do our normal hugs and handshakes.

"You look so pretty baby girl" my Mom says while hugging me.

"So do you Mom! In fact, you have some blushed cheeks tonight" I say, pressing her for any sign that she's trying to win my Dad back.

"Oh it must be this delicious wine that Grace gave me." She makes an excuse.

"Dinner's almost ready! I hope lasagna will be okay for everyone", Grace says as we all congregate to the table.

Dinner was great. Christian and I talked about our hike and trip to the PetsMart. My dad talked about this fishing boat that he's saving up to buy and Mom drops the news that she's moving back to Washington next month. I couldn't be happier to have her so close to me!

"I just need to find me a house out here, then I'll be settled!" she says with a big smile on her face.

"Well Carla, you can stay with me if you want" Dad says out of nowhere. "… at least until you find somewhere of your own." He says while we all look at the both of them. I think the secret is coming out of the bag. Dad takes a big drink of his beer and looks down at his hands. He's embarrassed.

"Sure Ray that would be great" Mom says with a big smile. I look over at Christian and he just smiles. He knows what I'm thinking.

"Hey, um, Mom? Can I talk to you outside for a few minutes?" I ask while squeezing her arm and smiling.

"Sure pumpkin" she says back to me. When we go outside, we sit on the bench by Grace's rose garden.

"Mom, I have a question for you and I want you to answer me honestly" I look at my Mom and give her a smile.

"Ana, I don't know what's happening between your Dad and I", she already knew what I was going to ask.

"Well do you have feelings for him again?"

"Again? I never really stopped having feelings for the man, Ana" She shrugs her shoulders.

"Then why did you leave him if you still loved him Mom?"

"Because I always felt he was too good for me baby" She gets teary eyed while she says it.

"Oh Mom" I hug her. "Have you told Dad how you feel?"

"No, but I plan on it. I wanna try it again and see what's there. And I'm hoping he still loves me after all these years" she smiles.

"I think you'll find he does" I nudge her.

"So tell me baby girl, how have you been?"

"Mom, everything seems to be falling back into place, which is great, but it's just… well Christian isn't… there's something going on and he won't tell me everything. He tells me he doesn't want to add additional stress to my recovery, but I hate being in the dark about things" I say with a worried look.

"Look darlin', the one thing I learned about Christian is that he only does what he feels is necessary to keep you safe. Maybe it's better that way. Just let the man protect you instead of being stubborn like your Mama."

"It involves me, it's about ME, so why not tell me? And I know I'm stubborn, but damn, don't compare me to you Mom" I chuckle.

"Just trust in your man. Stand by him and let him do what he needs to do baby".

She does have a point. I guess Christian knows what's best. I'll leave it alone, but if something happens or someone approaches me, we do it my way or the highway. No more being kept in the dark after that. She just pats my leg and we go back in and join everyone. When I come back in, Christian puts his arms around my waist and whispers that he missed me. I just look up at him and smile. He's so cute.

We say our goodbyes to everyone and tell my mom to have a nice flight home and that we'll see her again next month when she moves out here. When we reach Christian's car, we're both exhausted. After our hike and dinner and everything, we're ready to go home and just relax. The whole drive home was quiet but comfortable. Christian keeps his hand on my leg the entire way home. Every so often he squeezes it and smiles at me. When we finally get home, we take Shadow out to go potty, then go lay in bed.

I wake up to the sound of Shadow growling. He's at the door, sniffing the bottom of it. Christian sits up when he hears it too. We look at each other half asleep and confused.

"Shadow, what is it boy?" I ask, getting out of bed.

"Just stay here baby, I'm going to go see what he's growling at" Christian says as he puts his pants on.

"No baby, what if someone's out there?" I say worried about what's going on. Shadow keeps growling.

"It's okay baby, I'll be right back" he says as he's exiting the door, closing it behind him.

I hear glass breaking and Shadow barking loud, like he's attacking something. I jump out of bed and run out to see what's going on. I see Christian, Taylor and Luke all standing in their pajama pants, staring at the foyer door. Taylor and Luke both have their guns pointed at the door. Christian tells Shadow to sit and the dog does.

"Whoever the fuck is in my house better get out! We've got guns out here and believe me, I will not hesitate to have my security shoot!" Christian yells in his loud, CEO voice. After he yells, there is a noise coming from the other side of the door. My thoughts immediately go to that Tommy guy. What if he's here to kidnap me? Another noise is heard. "Okay, I fucking warned you! We're coming in!" With that, Christian kicks the door in and Taylor and Luke point their guns in the room. Soon after I hear a scream coming from Luke and he takes off running. What the hell just happened? A sudden burst of laughter breaks out between Christian and Taylor.

"What the hell is so funny? Who's in there?" I run over to see what happened. The guys cannot contain their laughter. Christian points into the foyer and I notice what Luke screamed about and who was making a commotion. I start laughing too. It's a squirrel. How the heck did a squirrel get in here? Gail comes out to see what happened and joins in on laughing too.

"Luke! You fucking pussy! It's just a damn squirrel you idiot!" Taylor laughs loudly. We're all laughing until we're in tears. Luke is just standing in the kitchen, behind the breakfast bar.

"Fuck you Jason! You know I hate rats and other god damn rodents! They give me the willies!" Luke says defending himself.

"Aww Lukey is scared of a poor wittle squwirl" I mock him in a little kid voice.

"Fuck all of you! I'm going back in the security room!" Luke sulks off.

"Well that was the funniest damn thing I ever witnessed! But I think we need to figure how to get this little guy out of here!" Gail said.

"I think if we can get him in Shadow's crate and then take him out to a park somewhere and release him, it would be fine." I say. I'd hate for him to be taken away by animal control and be put to sleep. Poor guy just got lost I bet.

We set up a trap with Shadow's crate and a bowl of fruit to see if the squirrel would take the bait. After about 2 hours of waiting, he did it! We trapped him, and then Taylor went out to return him to the wild, well the parks of Seattle at least.

Christian and I go back to bed and sleep the whole day away. That was a great night! I can't wait to see what kind of adventure we can get ourselves into tomorrow!


End file.
